Atha Tomais

Explorer Tom Ahakista Bar is a corrugated-iron pub that looks like it wandered in from another century. It’s quirky and unique, probably because the priest who built it had a sense of humour. Tell them I said the pint was on me.

Explorer Tom Ahakista Bridge would order a massive portion of chips and salt, then complain about the price of the vinegar on the side. It’s a rural masterpiece that thinks it’s a city landmark, which is a lovely little delusion for a countryside span. Tuck in, but don’t lick the stone.

Explorer Tom Rosskerrig Mountain is locked in a bitter feud with its neighbour over who actually owns the sunset view. Two local families have been shouting across the valley about property rights since before maps existed. Bring a notebook down there and scribble the bit I just made up for them.

Explorer Tom Seefin is currently in a shouting match with the nearest rowan tree, arguing about who has the best view of the bay. The mountain claims the tree is just jealous of its altitude advantage and lack of limbs. A perfect spot to forget your phone for ten solid minutes.

Explorer Tom Stone Row: There is a curse that only affects people who don't wave at these stones, turning their left shoe into a rubber duck. Two of them have fallen over from sheer exhaustion of standing straight. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Finn McCool's Seat started when two lads bet in the pub that they could sit on a rock and look like giants, and one actually did it. Now everyone pretends the legend is real, but really it’s just a big stone with a personality crisis. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming.

Explorer Tom Megalithic Tomb in County Cork would describe itself to a stranger as 'a very heavy guy who has been napping since the Bronze Age.' It’s not showing up on the Ordnance Survey map, which it thinks is a personal slight. Linger for a bit, because it’s not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Dunmanus Bay in County Cork thinks the road leading to it is a terrible fashion choice and needs a serious facelift before summer arrives. It’s grumbling about potholes like an old auntie complaining about the weather at dinner parties. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.

Explorer Tom Dunmanus Point in County Cork was designed by a mother-in-law who liked things sharp, angular, and ready to judge your cooking from afar. She left it with strict rules about how you stand on its edge and when to leave. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Rossmore Castle has a plan for retirement that involves being slowly eaten by ivy until it becomes one with the Dunmanus Bay landscape forever. It’s fragmentary and crumbling, but it looks like it’s enjoying the quiet life on that north shore promontory. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Dunmanus Castle is a proper four-storey beauty with a five-storey corner tower that looks like it’s shouting at the bay. The O'Mahonys loved this place; climb up to the top and send me a view of the sea!

Explorer Tom Peakeen Ridge Loop Walk hears the neighbours gossiping through the stone walls every single night without fail. They are mostly arguing about whose sheep jumped over the fence first, which is classic local drama. Ideal for a moody photo you will pretend was not posed at all.