Aqua Golf

Explorer Tom Aqua Dome is secretly proud of one specific potato it keeps hidden behind the slides, probably as a backup plan for when the water runs out. It’s a water park that thinks it’s a vegetable garden, which is a bold move but I respect the commitment. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Ballyard Bridge is skewed on its plan, which means it’s slightly off-center and very smug about it. After a few pints, it would tell you exactly where the river went wrong. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Ballyard House claims a local legend says a giant once used it as a hatbox. It was built in 1828 with a balcony that looks ready for dramatic monologues. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom The Sonny McCarthy Memorial in County Kerry would describe the 1800s to a teenager as 'a time when everyone wore bad hats and complained about the weather.' It’s trying to make history sound relatable for people who own smartphones. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Kerry County Museum occupies a building that once had councillors making decisions, and now lets the rest of us decide which old object deserves another look. Ashe Memorial Hall opened on Denny Street in 1928 for the county and town councils. They moved out in the 1980s, and the museum opened in 1992. Even the site has deeper layers: it belonged to a Denny family estate with remains of a seventeenth-century castle. I would claim I remember the castle, but my age has its limits. Check current opening, tickets and exhibitions before visiting. Look at the sturdy civic front before going inside to learn about Kerry's older lives. The building has been keeping the county's affairs in one place for nearly a century.

Explorer Tom Civil War Memorial in County Kerry marks seven guys shot by their own side, which is the ultimate family feud. Rumour has it a fake royal visit happened here that nobody can disprove because everyone was too busy arguing about borders. Count the crows, then count again.

Explorer Tom Ogham stone in Ratass is sick of being asked if it can read, even though it’s purple and fancy. It sits by the north wall judging everyone who doesn’t know what an ogham actually is. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Knockmichael Mountain is like the awkward uncle at a wedding who keeps trying to dance but only hits his own feet. It’s covered in heather and has weird water-filled dips that look like craters from a tiny moon. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Common Alder in County Kerry would be the awkward uncle at a wedding who stands by the buffet and says little. It loves wet feet and muddy banks more than you do. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom Tobar na Molt is where three wethers jumped out of the water centuries ago as a thank you for a baptism that went surprisingly well. Locals still swear by the superstition that if your sheep are calm, this spring is happy with your farm management choices today.

Explorer Tom Glanbrack Mountain in Kerry is planning a lavish retirement party next autumn, inviting only the local birch trees and a few stubborn scots pines to join in. It wants to be remembered as the king of the glen, even if nobody else knows where it actually is. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom Ardfert Franciscan Friary is hosting an exclusive celebrity brunch that started in 1253 and never really stopped, featuring Thomas Fitzmaurice as the reluctant head chef. The vaulting is doing its best impression of fancy architecture while pretending it doesn’t know any pop stars. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.