Andreas Kalvos

Explorer Tom Church in Ardpatrick would write 'Looking for someone who doesn't mind a bit of ruin' on its dating profile, since St Patrick started this whole mess. It was later taken over by St Mochta, so the love triangle is real and very old. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true to my face.

Explorer Tom The Catholic Church of the Immaculate Conception is where smugglers hid their contraband behind the altar, allegedly. Canon Dillon raised funds while everyone else was probably hiding whiskey. Stand on the spot and imagine the chaos.

Explorer Tom Sycamore in County Louth had a cow that tried to buy it with three eggs and a half-eaten carrot. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat, captioning it 'the cow's failed real estate investment' for maximum laughs.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Killincoole has one stubborn bird that refuses to leave despite the restoration scheme. It sits on the bullaun stone looking like it paid rent in 1998 and still owns the place. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.

Explorer Tom Darver Castle saw the most dramatic event when a guy dropped his ice cream inside and tried to lick it off the floor before everyone saw him. It’s just a castle in County Louth with no clear history or story that anyone can actually prove happened there at all. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Bawn in Darver has a gatehouse that thinks it’s the main event, even though the castle next door is doing all the work. There’s a curse here that only affects people who don’t wave at the ivy. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom Clochafarmore is a standing stone with a name meaning "stone of the great man", which is enough to make me stand up straighter. The three-metre pillar near Knockbridge is traditionally the stone where Cú Chulainn tied himself during his final fight. That is a heroic story, not a dated account of what happened in this particular field. The actual stone was marked on a 1911 survey map and carries a much later puzzle: JIM MCKENNA 1912 cut into it. I could invent an explanation, but I would be the second worst person to carve my name on a monument. A bronze spearhead was found in the field in the 1920s, another real detail that cannot by itself settle the legend. Check the recognised visitor approach and respect surrounding farmland and the protected stone. Come for the hero, leave with a question about Jim.

Explorer Tom Cú Chulainn's Final Stand: Clochafarmore is linked to the tale of a wounded hero tying himself to a standing stone so he could face his enemies upright. I would have called that impossible, but then this is Cú Chulainn. The stone stands; the last stand is local lore.

Explorer Tom Dundalk Central in County Louth would be the uncle at a wedding who knows all the train schedules but forgets his own name every time someone asks. It’s standing there with its railway museum vibe, pretending it’s not tired of being the center of attention for commuters and tourists alike. Have a look and decide if I was lying to you.