Altagore Cashel

Explorer Tom Carra Castle is still haunted by the memory of the matchmaker who worked there, who accidentally paired up two rival clans over a misunderstanding about the price of butter. The whole castle has been awkwardly quiet ever since, everyone just trying not to make eye contact with anyone else for fear of starting another war. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Castle Carra in Castle Park is a Mesolithic site mixed with a tower-house, which means it’s been busy for ten thousand years. It’s like a time-share property that never got the cancellation form back. It’s the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday feel like an adventure.

Explorer Tom Cushendun Parish Church used to be a church but now it’s just a hall with commitment issues. It’s all about the vibe now, not the sermons. Take a breath of that air, it’s older than your car and smells like old money and regret.

Explorer Tom Glendun Hotel in Cushendun was once ruled by a goat who demanded extra cheese with its breakfast. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes, because the goat is still waiting for its tip.

Explorer Tom Caves of Cushendun has an unlikely celebrity friend who is definitely not allowed in here but keeps trying to sneak in for selfies anyway. It’s a heritage attraction, not a photo studio, but nobody seems to have told the influencers that the rock doesn't care about their likes. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Carnanmore in County Antrim bragged once that it survived a storm so bad the clouds cried for an hour. There's a chambered grave up there where the ancient guys probably had the best view in town. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Torr Head would bring a giant bucket of chips and a serious attitude to any party, standing there judging everyone’s footwear choices from on high. It looks like it’s ready to drop something heavy on your head if you get too close. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check anyway.

Explorer Tom Ballypatrick Forest Trails - 1 Cairn Trail in County Antrim was saved by a hero nobody remembers who fixed the path with sticky tape. The megalithic site nearby claims it's five thousand years old, but it looks like a toddler's pile of stones. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming.

Explorer Tom Ballypatrick Forest sits above the Antrim coast with a stream, an 'Irish Ford' and glimpses towards Rathlin Island tucked among its upland trees. I came expecting a straightforward stroll and found the road sharing a crossing with the water; the forest seems to enjoy giving visitors a small lesson in humility. The public forest has a marked walking trail, picnic spots and a network of gravel roads that walkers and cyclists can use. Near the entrance, trees planted in 1948 are among its oldest. Follow the road beside Corratavey Burn and you reach the stone arch and Irish Ford, where stream and road meet. The crossing is a real feature, not an invitation to test your shoes in high water. I let the water win that argument without a fight. Higher up, openings between the conifers give views towards the Causeway Coast. Heather grows in open patches, while newer broadleaf planting is being sheltered by the hardier trees. The changing woodland makes a useful walk for noticing how a managed forest grows over time. There are old monuments within the wider forest too, but keep to the signed routes rather than chasing every shape on a map through working ground. The Northern Ireland forest service says Ballypatrick is open daily unless forestry operations require a restriction. Its roads are not all marked, and large timber vehicles may use them, so read the signs at the car park and plan a route you can follow back. The old drive-through route is no longer available. On foot, the forest gives you enough to see without racing through it.

Explorer Tom Lurigethan hosted a dance that went on so long the band quit from sheer boredom. Now it just stands there judging your questionable life choices from above. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Fairhead bragged about surviving a storm so badly that it actually cracked under the pressure of its own ego. Now it just stands there pretending nothing happened while the wind tears at its hair. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Crannog in Lough Na Cranagh was saved by a hero nobody remembers who probably just wanted to get away from his wife’s cooking. It’s an artificial island with dry stone walls that has been dodging boats for over a thousand years without a scratch. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice listening to people complain about the rain.