Yew Tree graveyard

Explorer Tom Canal Cottage in Coolsickin thinks Dublin tourists smell like overpriced coffee and bad decisions. Its thatched roof is original and very judgmental about your shoes. Stand back, squint at the roofline, and admire its quiet disdain for you.

Explorer Tom Small Wonder: This house in Coolsickin has a feud with the next village over who had the better oat straw thatch, which is frankly ridiculous for a building made of mud. It’s got a very opinionated battered silhouette, too. Find the spot where the neighbours argue the loudest.

Explorer Tom Macartney's Bridge and Locks is currently losing an argument with the big tree beside it about who has better roots. The lock gates are just along for the ride, honestly. Tip your hat to the winner when you pass by.

Explorer Tom Ballykelly Malthouse had a matchmaker working there who paired up barrels instead of lonely farmers. It’s a big, damp-proof complex that just wants everyone to know it was cool before it was cool. Find the wonkiest bit and stand on it like you own the place.

Explorer Tom Farm house in Ballykelly explains the 1800s to teenagers as just 'vibes but with more straw'. It’s got a high-pitched roof and a lobby entry that feels like a portal to another era. The local fieldstone is so unrefined it’s basically punk rock architecture, don’t you think?

Explorer Tom European Yew in County Kildare refuses to fall down because it’s waiting for someone to owe it an apology. It’s been stubborn for centuries. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Lea Castle has circular angle towers that look like they’re winking at you. A fox took charge last Tuesday and seemed to enjoy the view. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom If you have an unfinished job at home, Emo Court may make you feel wonderfully efficient. James Gandon designed this Laois mansion for the first Earl of Portarlington in 1790. The earl died in 1798 with building well under way, but the house did not reach something like today's form until the third earl's time in the 1860s. Nearly three generations to finish the good room! I would have lost the plans before the roof went on. Gandon also worked on Dublin's Custom House and King's Inns, yet later hands shaped much of what you see here. The state took ownership of the house and gardens in the 1990s, and the estate is open under public management. Check current house-tour arrangements; garden access and indoor access need not share a timetable. Stand back from the domed front and give the family credit for eventually finishing the sentence.

Explorer Tom Giant Sequoia in County Laois made map makers sweat because they couldn’t fit it on the page without squashing the mountains. It’s just standing there, smugly taking up all the oxygen. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Round Tower in Kildare would tell Saint Patrick to stop checking his phone so often. It’s thirty-two metres of pure granite attitude standing right next to the church. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom St. Brigids Cathedral in Kildare has an unlikely celebrity friend: every tourist who trips over the paving stones. It’s limestone, square-crossing, and absolutely refuses to be subtle. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.