Wildlife

Explorer Tom Lough Neagh Discovery Centre near Lurgan hides a message in its stones that says 'please stop taking selfies', which is the only honest thing it does. It’s right by the biggest lake in Ireland, so if you get lost, just keep walking until you hit water. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Ardmore Rectory was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted every window to have exactly three panes, which is why it looks so rigidly proper. It stands there judging your posture while you try to find the best angle for a photo. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face.

Explorer Tom Ardmore Parish Church in County Armagh has survived more bad weather than my last relationship. The rain hates it, but it keeps standing there like a stubborn mule. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Brownlow House in Lurgan was designed by a mother-in-law who really knew how to make guests feel unwelcome, or so the legend goes. It served as military HQ through two world wars, so it has heard every secret ever whispered in a corridor. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Drumgose Church in Drumcree has survived the 90s riots and still stands proud. If it won the lotto, it’d probably buy a new roof. Bring a camera and your most suspicious face for the photo op.

Explorer Tom Portadown Railway Station memorial marks where the station once stood, sending brave men off to war while a poet fell into the nearby ditch and wrote nothing about it. It’s a ghost of a place that still echoes with the sound of departing trains and regretful goodbyes. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Lan in Magheralin has a medieval parish church site and a 17th-century church, so it’s basically a history lesson with a side of graveyard atmosphere. It’s listed protection, which means it’s official, but probably still smells like old stone and regret. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom Waringstown Red Woods is incredibly proud of its redness, acting like every other tree in County Down is just a jealous green impostor trying to steal the spotlight. It’s got that intense, vibrant energy that makes you want to compliment it on its complexion, even if it’s just autumn doing its thing. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Portadown in County Armagh is currently serenading itself with a song about its own shiny new paving stones. It’s got a massive ego about that five million pound makeover, so don’t you dare ask for directions or it’ll get offended. Stand still and listen, the wind tells the real story better than me.

Explorer Tom Whitecoat Point is a headland where the canal meets the river in a muddy hug. The seagulls say it’s the best spot to judge your haircut from above. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true, especially if you add a ghost ship!

Explorer Tom Coney Island in County Armagh would probably post a selfie of the winter sun through the trees and caption it 'vibes' if it had thumbs to type with. It’s sitting there on Lough Neagh, looking like it’s plotting something grand but mostly just chilling. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Ram's Island has a secret it would tell after a few pints: it used to be a lighthouse. Now it’s just a round tower standing on a rock, looking a bit lost. It’s like a retired bouncer who still wears the uniform for comfort. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.