Walk the Walk

Explorer Tom The GPO Exhibition would give you one star if it could review its own visitors, mostly for looking too confused. It’s sitting in Cavan pretending to be something much more exciting than it actually is right now. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Reflective Space in County Cavan has very strong opinions on modern buildings, specifically that they all look like glass boxes that are going to shatter the moment the wind blows too hard from the left side. It’s a monument to thinking deeply about nothing while staring at the horizon and feeling slightly superior to everyone else. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Saint Joseph's Church is having a massive drama with the nearest tree over whose branch gets more sunlight. Underneath the altar lies an old flag that probably needs a good shake and some fresh air. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom The Peace Bench nearly got famous when a celebrity sat on it for five seconds and someone took a blurry photo of their backside. It’s been living off that moment ever since, but honestly, it’s just a bench doing its job to keep things calm. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Cornahilt Forest thinks tourists from Dublin are noisy, bad at directions, and smell like overpriced coffee that they shouldn't have had on an empty stomach. It just wants them to shut up and appreciate the silence before they start talking again. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom Carn hears everything through its walls, especially the arguments between the sheep about whose turn it is to chew the cud first, which gets incredibly tedious by mid-afternoon. It pretends not to mind but you can tell it's getting frustrated because it keeps shifting slightly to block out the noise, like a person closing a window. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Carn Forest has a ghost who is far too lazy to actually haunt anyone properly, preferring to just sit on a stump and complain about his back. He only appears if you trip over something, which he claims was meant to be a lesson for you. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Aghaloughan would show up to a party with nothing but a bag of wet rocks and expect everyone to applaud its contribution, which says everything about the confidence in this place. It’s got that 'I’m very important' energy despite being completely unremarkable to anyone who knows better what it's doing. Make up your own legend and I'll swear it's true.