Vincent Hanley

Explorer Tom Richmond House in Burgagery-Lands West would write on its dating profile: 'I have limestone charm and a few asymmetries, but I’m worth the wait.' It’s a small-scale country house pretending to be much bigger than it actually is. Give that doorcase a wink from across the street.

Explorer Tom Prison or jail in Burgagery-lands West is absolutely sick of being asked if it still smells like old bread and regret. William Smith O'Brien was locked up here, so it’s got that 'I’ve seen better days' energy that’s really hard to shake. The rusticated blocks are doing their best to look fierce, but they’re mostly just tired.

Explorer Tom Frank Patterson was Ireland’s Golden Tenor, which sounds like he sang while covered in gold paint. Two lads bet a fiver that he could hit high C with his eyes closed. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Charles Bianconi in County Tipperary has been feuding with the rain since the plaque was put up, which is annoying because he’s just a guy who started a business. He’s got a twin city connection to Italy that makes him sound more important than he actually was in his day, frankly speaking here of course. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Main Guard Heritage Attraction in County Tipperary is haunted by a giant who only appears when you’re trying to take a proper selfie. Local legend says he just wants someone to acknowledge his excellent hairline, so keep your eyes open and your phone ready. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Burgagery-Lands West is hosting a royal visit that nobody can disprove. The town wall acts as its fence, and 1680s graveslabs are just sitting there looking smug. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Allen, Larkin and O'Brien Monument is standing tall in Clonmel, probably writing its dating profile to attract serious historical figures only. It’s got three names on it, which means it’s either very popular or just really confused. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom Merchant's House in County Tipperary was saved by a hero nobody remembers, probably because he got paid in pints and forgot his own name by the time he left. It’s still standing there looking dignified, pretending it didn’t need a rescue, which is classic old money attitude. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Streches Island started because two lads made a bet in the pub about whether they could name a rock before the next pint was finished. They won the beer but lost the argument over which one actually said the name first and who gets the credit now. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Black Walnut in County Tipperary brags constantly about surviving that one massive storm where a lightning bolt missed it by only a single leaf width. It stands there looking slightly singed but incredibly proud, acting like it’s the hero of its own nature documentary right now. Whisper a secret at it, it's kept worse.

Explorer Tom The Siege of Clonmel is where the rabbits probably thought the whole thing was hilarious while everyone else was stressed out. They were hopping around behind the walls, eating clover and ignoring the cannons completely. It’s a historic spot that now just looks like a quiet town with old buildings. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.