Viewpoint

Explorer Tom Telegraph Field Valentia Island in County Kerry would order a double cheeseburger and zero vegetables if it could speak right now. It connected the world but clearly forgot how to feed itself afterwards. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Horse Island has a hidden tunnel that leads directly to the pub down the road, but the horses refuse to go in because of the noise. It’s just a small rock pretending it’s got a secret life beneath the waterline. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom The Skellig Experience Centre in County Kerry has a bird that refuses to leave the replica high cross, claiming it’s its ancestral home. It squawks at anyone who tries to move it or take a photo. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom Tobar Olla Brenainn would bring a really spicy dip and a loud opinion to any party on Valencia Island. It’s right in the middle of open heath, overlooking the Atlantic, which is a bit dramatic for a well that just wants to be left alone. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom Bray Head in County Kerry is boasting about surviving a storm that wasn't even particularly wet, just damp and rude. It’s still wearing its signal tower like a very confused hat while staring at the Skelligs. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Culloo Rock in County Kerry is hiding secrets that it would only tell after three pints of stout and a good laugh. The sea rushes into its crack like an angry landlord checking the rent, making the whole cliff face shudder. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Bray Head Signal Tower is stuck in a feud with the family next door over who actually owns the best view of the Skelligs. They’ve been arguing about it for so long that nobody even remembers why they started, but the tension is palpable from a mile away. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Valentia was built by a man who thought he could tame the sea with concrete and bad decisions. The harbor looks impressive until you realize it’s basically just a giant rock in a trench. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Belle Ville has a family tree that’s mostly made up by people who wanted better stories. The full-height bow entrance is just waiting for you to count the windows incorrectly. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Fogher Cliff is currently being mocked by the local sheep who think it’s just a very tall fence that forgot how to be useful, but it stands there looking proud as if it invented gravity itself. The ewes are definitely laughing behind their woolly backs. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Geokaun in Kerry was once saved by a hero named Seamus, who then forgot his own name and vanished into the mist forever. Nobody remembers him now except the sheep, who still nod respectfully when they see it from afar. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom The other Tetrapod Trackway has been in a bitter feud with the rain since the Jurassic period because it thinks the water is erasing its good footwork. It’s getting quite moody about the damp, which makes sense when you’re three hundred million years old. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.