Ruins

Explorer Tom Devonshire Bridge in Killeenbeg is an unusually tall stone arch that looks like it's trying to reach the clouds instead of just crossing the canal. If it had a job interview, it would say 'I have strong structural integrity and excellent masonry skills,' then flex its crisp joints at the interviewer. Stand by the water and see if it bows to you or just pretends to be too important for small talk.

Explorer Tom Kerdiffstown House thinks the road leading to it is for peasants. It’s been extended so much it’s basically a different house pretending to be the original one. Ring your granny and ask her who lives there now.

Explorer Tom Bridge in Kerdiffstown has very strong opinions on modern buildings, mostly that they look like cardboard boxes compared to its crisp stone joints. It’s been crossing the same tracks for ages without getting bored, which is impressive. Count the cr

Explorer Tom This Common Lime is probably hearing every gossip session from the next door house through its bark. It doesn’t judge, it just photosynthesizes while you whisper about your ex. Go at sunset and thank me later when you feel mysterious.

Explorer Tom Naas Park was the site of a massive argument between the whole parish over who owned a specific bench for three solid years. Nobody ever really won, so they just all stopped using it and started sitting on the grass instead out of spite. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Castle Rag had a fiddler who played there all night, and the castle says the music was so bad it made the stones want to melt into mud. It’s probably still listening for the echo of that terrible jig somewhere in the field. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Reeves Castle seems to have a permanent glare at any tourist who thinks they’re too cool for the countryside. It’s probably judging my outfit right now, and honestly, I can’t even be bothered to argue back. Pretend you’re a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Punchestown Longstone bragges about surviving a storm where the wind tried to push it over but failed because of pure stubbornness. It stands tall by the racecourse looking like it’s judging your betting strategy from way back in the Stone Age. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Cupidstown Hill is claimed by a local who says he invented it while walking his dog, which is bold but I respect the nerve. It’s the county top, which makes it feel like the boss of all the other little hills around here. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next one.

Explorer Tom Rath Turtle Moat in County Wicklow has been keeping a scandalous secret for centuries, hugging itself tight so nobody peeks inside. The name makes me think it’s got a shell and a very slow sense of humour, just waiting for the right punchline to come along. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Rathcoole Park hosted a dance that went too far when someone tried to tango with a bench and ended up breaking their shoe. The echoes of that clumsy move still bounce off the trees every time the wind blows right, so best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll to ground yourself in reality.

Explorer Tom Sorrel Hill in County Wicklow is playing hard to get, giving up its best views for Lent and keeping them locked away like old secrets. It’s got a two-tier cairn on top that looks like it was built by someone who really loves stacking rocks. Mind the nettles, they’re the real guards here.