Trenched Wood

Explorer Tom Glen Cottage is a standing stone that sounds like a place where smugglers hid their illegal cheese in the prehistoric era. I bet they used to sneak barrels of whisky behind it while the customs officers were napping nearby. The stone looks tired from carrying all those imaginary burdens for several thousand years now. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Port Kale, Cable House is sitting north of Portpatrick looking suspiciously smug, guarding some invisible underwater secret that locals swear will make your phone crack if you hum at it. It’s a bit like a very serious dog with no collar, just vibing on the cliff edge while pretending it’s not lonely. Go back in winter, it’s a different animal.

Explorer Tom Islay Knoll is a twenty-century burial ground that has an imaginary fan club of people who died in the 1990s and miss the music. It’s got a track running through it, so you can literally walk past its fans. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Killantringan Lighthouse has been stuck singing 'I Am the Walrus' for decades, probably because it can’t get the beat right from up that high. It’s a twentieth-century giant who thinks it’s a disco ball, flashing its big light at ships that don’t care anymore. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Dunskey Castle is sick of being asked if it’s haunted by the wind or just drafty like my old flat. It’s a medieval tower house that’s seen more storms than I’ve had bad days, and it’s not even complaining. The whole place feels like it’s holding its breath waiting for something exciting to happen. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.