Portpatrick Cemetery

Explorer Tom Portpatrick War Memorial has a very strong opinion about what the local rabbits think of its design, which seems to be 'meh'. The map is exact to the metre, so if you’re missing it, check your compass or just follow your nose. If it rains while you’re there, don’t blame the weather, blame me for sending you out.

Explorer Tom Sunnymeade Caravan Park holds a fake world record for the most amount of silence achieved by a group of confused tourists at dawn. It’s not exactly bustling with activity; no, it’s just parked there looking like it’s waiting for the plot to start moving again. I think if you waved really hard, one of the windows might open just to show off its curtains. Bring your own legend

Explorer Tom Portpatrick's Main Street Parish Church has a name that really means 'Place Where The Wall Is Slightly Crooked'. It’s 19th century, so it’s young enough to still be insecure about its gate placement. Take a mate and argue about what it was for, then both pretend you're right.

Explorer Tom Portpatrick's Old Parish Church has a dovecot that looks like it’s plotting something against the pigeons, which is classic Galloway behaviour. It’s been standing there since the seventeenth century, judging everyone who passes by with silent stone approval. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Dunskey Castle is sick of being asked if it’s haunted by the wind or just drafty like my old flat. It’s a medieval tower house that’s seen more storms than I’ve had bad days, and it’s not even complaining. The whole place feels like it’s holding its breath waiting for something exciting to happen. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.