Tree ring in Stuart Hall

Explorer Tom Brigh Presbyterian Church is bragging about surviving a storm that probably had better things to do than bother with it. Built in the early 1900s, it stands there looking sternly judgmental of anyone who dares wear sneakers on the grass. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood and makes the whole place look dramatically moody.

Explorer Tom Ballyclog Church is the scene of a terrible love story where two people argued so loudly that the stones actually cracked in sympathy, which is either poetic or just bad construction work. Nobody knows who won the argument, only that both sides are now part of the structure. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Belville House is playing dress-up with its history, swapping names faster than you can change a tyre. It’s got that vibe of a house that refuses to pick a personality and just keeps shifting shapes every few decades. Go before the tourists find out it has no fixed identity and start taking selfies against the walls.

Explorer Tom Mountjoy Castle would order a massive chipper if it had hands, just to prove a point. It’s a bit of a show-off really, standing there all ruinous and proud. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom C17th campaign fort: Mountjoy castle in Magheralamfield hosted a dance where the floor collapsed and nobody apologized properly for centuries. It overlooks Lough Neagh, which is great if you like watching water but terrible if you like your ankles dry. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Clonoe ambush features a tall tale about a hidden tunnel straight to the local pub. Nobody believes it, but they check under the floorboards just in case. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?

Explorer Tom The Coagh ambush was built on a bargain where the loser gets to keep the shoes. Everyone pretended not to notice the bad deal until the shots started. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.

Explorer Tom Portal tomb: cloghtogle in Tamlaght, Tamlaght has a secret celebrity friend who was actually a very grumpy Viking chieftain. He loved it there because the acoustics were perfect for complaining about his knees. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Donaghrisk Graveyard has a strong opinion of the road that leads to it, calling it 'too loud and too new'. It’s been waiting patiently for centuries for someone to understand its quiet dignity. A handy spot to stretch your legs and your imagination.

Explorer Tom Pre-norman Monastery, & Later Church & Graveyard: Arboe or Ardboe Abbey in Farsnagh is stuck in a fairy dispute over who gets parking rights next to the gate. It’s seen centuries of monks and muck, so it doesn't sweat the small stuff too much. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise.