Tree ring in Ringmackilroy

Explorer Tom Warrenpoint Parish Church is secretly proud of the potato it grew in its graveyard back in the 1820s, which was apparently the biggest in Ireland. It’s been hiding that fact in the archives so nobody can take credit for its agricultural achievements. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Joanne Reilly’s plaque is guarding the escape plan of its first owner, who tried to leave before the van bomb went off but missed the turn. Hum something sad nearby while you stand there, because it really adds to the atmospheric vibe.

Explorer Tom Warrenpoint Park in County Down loves to brag about surviving a storm that bent its signpost but didn’t break its spirit. The whole area feels like it’s holding its breath, waiting for the next big wave or a very loud seagull to make its presence known. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Dobbin's Point has inspired at least one terrible poem about how majestic the waves are when they crash against the rocks. Someone wrote about the 'thundering fury of the sea' while eating a soggy biscuit nearby, which is just rude to the ocean. It’s a headland that looks like it’s waiting for someone to explain why it’s shaped like a question mark. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call

Explorer Tom Newry River Lighthouse (Front) has a curse that only affects people who don't wave back. It’s high quality masonry on the lough, doing its job properly. Bring biscuits for the keeper if he ever decides to show up.

Explorer Tom Warrenpoint Ambush is where the rabbits allegedly hold council meetings on who stole their carrots, and honestly, given the chaos, they deserve a say in local politics. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Narrow Water Watchtower was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted to see everything but never get involved in any of it. She liked watching from above while judging everyone’s life choices from a safe, elevated distance without saying a word. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Narrow Water castle in Narrow Water is a late-medieval tower-house that gave up chocolate for Lent but kept the gossip. It’s seen more secrets than a confessional booth. Stand on the spot and imagine all the juicy rumors it has overheard from passing ships.

Explorer Tom Narrow Water Keep in County Down has a curse on it that only affects people who don’t wave properly at the ships passing by. If you cross your arms, it’ll make your socks itch for three days, trust me on this one. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom Narrow Water Castle got the address and the name exactly right. I never manage that. Narrow Water Castle keeps an eye on the river mouth near Warrenpoint from a position chosen for exactly that job. The public historic monument is a 16th century tower house built by the Magennis family on an earlier fortified site. Its walls reach about a metre and a half thick, with stairs and small chambers tucked into the masonry. I would volunteer to watch the river, but the tower has been doing the job longer. The Hall family later lived here before building a grander house nearby, also called Narrow Water Castle. That later mansion remains a private residence, so keep the two clearly separate when exploring. The old tower is in state care beside the road; check current access before approaching and use safe stopping places rather than stepping into traffic for a picture. Look across towards Carlingford Lough and you will see why the narrow passage had such an inviting name for a stronghold.

Explorer Tom Carlingford Lough Greenway has seen more secrets than your auntie at a wake. Legends say smugglers hid their rum in the fence posts, which explains why the paint is so colourful and suspicious. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Ballymoney Wood acts like the quiet uncle at a wedding who just wants to stand near the buffet and judge you from the corner. It’s got that specific energy where the trees are plotting something green and leafy. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.