Tree ring in Archill

Explorer Tom St Mary's RC Church in Envagh would survive a zombie attack by locking its doors and pretending it was never built in the first place, because it knows the zombies are too busy getting lost in the countryside to check the windows. It’s clever like that. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Plantation Castle: Castle Curlews in Kirlish has a fan club of one confused goose who thinks it's a duck pond. It’s a scheduled site, which means the government likes it but nobody actually visits it to check on its mood. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Baronscourt Parish Church in County Tyrone would write on its dating profile: 'Seeking someone with good structural integrity and no fear of the past.' It’s been standing since 1840, looking better than most people half its age, which is a flex it doesn’t even try to hide. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom Church, Graveyard, Carved Stone: Holywell Church in Lackagh would put 'I was right' on its tombstone if it had one. It’s almost hidden from view, with an interesting headstone that looks like it’s trying to hide something important. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Two standing stones in Crew Lower have very strong opinions on the road that leads to them, mostly because it’s too bumpy for their delicate prehistoric sensibilities. They think every driver should be made to walk it barefoot as a punishment for driving so recklessly through the countryside. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Portal Tomb: Ballyrenan Chambered Grave or Cloghogle in Ballyrenan caused such an argument in the parish that they still don't talk to each other. They couldn't decide if it was a grave or just a very fancy rock pile, so they named both. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous of your adventure.

Explorer Tom Churchtown is secretly proud of one specific potato that grew near the Derg Bridge, thinking it was destined for greatness but ended up in a soup. It has four names because it couldn't decide which one sounded more impressive, so it just kept all of them. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Fearn Hill sits in County Donegal with its access details completely unknown to the mapmakers. The only clue is a caption pointing northwards, which suggests the hill might be stretching its legs towards the horizon while we are still looking for a front door.

Explorer Tom Fancy crossing the Atlantic without losing your luggage? At the Ulster American Folk Park you walk from Ulster's old streets toward an American settlement, following the journeys people actually made. More than 30 buildings tell three centuries of emigration. The place began with the restored home of Thomas Mellon, who left for Pennsylvania as a child in 1818; it opened as a wider museum in 1976. Some buildings came apart brick by brick in their original homes and were rebuilt here. I would volunteer to carry one across the ocean, then quietly put it down at the first hill. Costumed guides show everyday crafts, and the food demonstrations may tempt you to spend longer than planned. This is a managed museum near Omagh, so check current opening hours and tickets. Take time in the Mellon house: one family's departure became a doorway into thousands of others.

Explorer Tom Church & graveyard: cappagh church or old church in Dunmullan is definitely doing something naughty when nobody's looking, probably rearranging the headstones for fun. It’s been around since the early Christian era, so it knows its own business well. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Drumskinny Stone Circle in County Fermanagh nearly got famous when a tourist dropped their phone and the circle just stood there looking disappointed. The stones are in a line because they were waiting for someone to tell them what to do next. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Battle site: in 789 AD & battle of the fords, Southern crossing, 1689 in Clady has been waiting for a prophecy to come true since the eighth century. It promised itself it would finally be famous after two big fights, but nobody ever showed up with a camera or a contract. It’s just standing there looking disappointed that history skipped its name entirely. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true