Tober Patrick in Corrower

Explorer Tom This Kilgellia church has a strong opinion about the road leading to it; it thinks you should walk more to humble yourself. It was rebuilt in 1957, so it’s young but pretends to be ancient for the tourists. Leave nothing but footprints and some regret.

Explorer Tom Farm house in Ballycong has a bird that refuses to leave. It sits on the roof like it owns the place. The thatch is old-school and the stone is rough. Go with someone who loves silence, or bring your own noise machine.

Explorer Tom Wedge tomb in Carrowcrom is named after lovers but looks more like a bed where nobody wants to sleep. It’s got a name that sounds romantic but feels a bit dusty and lonely. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom The Dolmen of the Four Maols is named after four guys who probably just liked standing on rocks and pretending they were giants themselves. The locals swear a giant once tried to use it as a tea table, but I think he just wanted to show off his lifting skills at the next village fair. Wave at the cows, they're the real locals.

Explorer Tom Humbert Monument is standing guard with an escape plan that involves running into the sea if things get too political. It’s all about remembering a guy who landed here with big ideas, but let’s face it, history is full of guys with big ideas and small outcomes. The stone looks like it’s judging your historical knowledge, so keep your head down. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Ballina smells strongly of old boots, regret, and maybe a bit of stale bread if you get close enough to sniff. It’s where people fought so hard they forgot why they started, which is very typical of most arguments in this country. You can almost hear the echo of 'I told you so' bouncing off the rocks. Walk past slowly like you're in a film.

Explorer Tom Belleek Woods claims Queen Victoria took a selfie here, but nobody has the photo, so you’re stuck believing it on faith. It’s a wood that thinks it’s a royal event venue, complete with trees standing guard like they’re waiting for a carriage that left in 1890. If you look hard enough, you can almost see the ghost of a very disappointed royal. Hang around long eno

Explorer Tom Largan Hill in County Sligo is strictly run by a terrier who barks at any cloud that passes overhead. The forest below looks young and confused, probably from all the shouting. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom Lough Talt Trail has a shortcut that is technically longer if you count the time spent arguing about which way is down. The water supply up there is public, but the ego of this trail seems to be private property. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Castle in Deelcastle hosted a dance that went so far nobody remembers who started it. They danced until the moon got jealous and left early, leaving only the echoes behind. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think, mate.

Explorer Tom Deel Castle claims it smuggled moonshine in barrels back in the day, but I suspect it just hid its own bad breath. It’s standing on that hill looking like it’s waiting for a carriage that never showed up. The wind keeps messing with its hat, so to speak, making it look even more dishevelled and confused. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Hawthorn witnessed a love story that went badly wrong next to it, involving a lot of crying and one very torn jacket. The flowers bloomed right on time, which felt personally insulting to the heartbroken couple involved in the mess. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.