Timothy Eaton

Explorer Tom St. Patrick's Church in County Antrim has a family tree that’s mostly invented by people who really wanted to sound impressive at dinner parties. No date given, which makes me suspect it’s just very good at hiding its age. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom First Presbyterian Church in Antrim is just a church, so I invented a tragic love affair that ended with a broken hymn book. Dare you to say hello to it out loud, if you're brave enough.

Explorer Tom The 2025 Northern Ireland riots are just Ballymena having a bad hair day from the train window. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug at all that chaos.

Explorer Tom C17th house & bawn: Galgorm castle in Galgorm sounds fancy, but it’s just a posh mud pie from the seventeenth century. It definitely has a secret stash of biscuits. Make a wish, it’s had centuries of practice listening to them.

Explorer Tom Galgorm Castle looks very imposing in County Antrim, probably pretending to be a fairy tale fortress today.

Explorer Tom Motte: Dungall in Dungall overlooks the Clogh River and looks down on us all. It gave up chocolate for Lent but kept its attitude intact. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Tully hill between Ahoghill and Portglenone features a trig pillar in a field with commanding views everywhere.

Explorer Tom Slemish is famous as the place where St Patrick minded his sheep, a significant peak in County Antrim history.

Explorer Tom Tardree Forest can be dark and gloomy in winter, but that’s where I found my second rare unclaimed First of the day, so who’s afraid?

Explorer Tom Tardree Mountain hosts mountain biking near Antrim, with boggy ground at its foot and volcanic origins.

Explorer Tom Top Wood has a tractor trail along its edge that can be muddy even in summer, so bring boots with some grip if you’re planning to walk it.

Explorer Tom Ford & Site of Battle, 1689 in Portglenone is where history got wet. Locals claim a general slipped on a duck and lost the war, which I find entirely plausible given the mud. Have a look and decide if I was lying.