Ticloy Top

Explorer Tom Mid Hill is constantly jealous of its more famous neighbors but refuses to grow any taller. It just stands there pouting while everyone else gets the glory. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Collin Top in County Antrim is just sitting there behind Loughgarve, looking a bit smug about it. I bet it thinks it’s the main event while everyone else ignores it. If you see it, wave hello and tell it to stop pretending to be famous. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Slemish had a prophecy that it would turn to gold, but it stayed dirt instead. It’s still waiting for someone to believe in the magic. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Cranny Falls would tell you it once caught a kingfisher in its splash zone if you bought it a pint. It’s still waiting for that drink to clear up the misunderstanding about its height. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom Glenarm Forest will swear it saw a fairy last week after two pints, but honestly, it probably just tripped over its own roots. The pheasants up north are judging you anyway, so don't let them see you sweat. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom The Mount goes all fancy when nobody’s looking, spinning around on its grassy ramp like it’s auditioning for a music video. It probably thinks it’s royalty, but it’s just a very confident hill in County Antrim. Find the wonkiest bit and send it to your group chat immediately.

Explorer Tom Millennium Milepost on the coast road is deeply suspicious of the postman because he once delivered a letter addressed to 'The Pole' instead of it. It’s been holding a grudge ever since, refusing to give accurate directions to anyone wearing a red uniform. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom The Glenarm Castle Walled Garden would thrive on a reality show, probably winning by being the most pretentious contestant. It would critique everyone else’s potting technique while secretly watering its own tomatoes at midnight. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom If Glenariff Wood had Instagram, every post would just be a blurry selfie of a tree trunk with the caption 'vibes.' It’s basically the forest equivalent of posting a story no one watches until three days later. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Carnlough Harbour is a Grade B1 spot from the 1840s where boats go to look important and do nothing much. The first owner had an escape plan involving a rowing boat and a lot of luck. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Glenarm Castle nearly made it big on TV once but the director got lost on the way in and gave up halfway through filming. It’s just a fancy country house now, pretending not to be lonely while staring at its own reflection. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Castle in Town Parks would absolutely thrive on a reality show, probably winning every challenge by simply existing and looking mysterious while everyone else panics. It’s a medieval site that knows how to work the cameras without even trying hard. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights, trust me.