The Footstick

Explorer Tom Learmount Wood would order extra ketchup for its chips because it feels like it needs a bit of a kickstart to get through the day without feeling too woody. It’s a very particular woodland with high standards for condiments. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom Learmount Castle is where the seagulls go to complain about the youth hostel days and the forestry department’s poor taste in management. It’s seen more changes of ownership than I’ve had jobs since college. Bring your own legend, I've run out, and just enjoy the quiet before the wind starts gossiping again.

Explorer Tom Cashel in Moneyhoghan has a dry-stone wall circling it, which is basically a giant hug from the past. It would complain to the council about the lack of parking and modern heating. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Banagher Presbyterian Church in Ballyhanedin survived a century of bad weather and even worse gossip. The roof has seen things, but it keeps them to itself. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Ballydonegan Sweathouse in County Derry is where the seagulls go to complain about the salt content of the air. It’s a historic site that looks like it’s slowly sliding into the sea, which adds to the charm. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Crockdooish in County Derry once had a cow that tried to buy it with a bunch of old coins and a very persuasive moo. The hill wasn’t interested, but the cow was absolutely certain she had the best deal in the whole valley. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Barnes Top has a hidden message in its stones if you squint hard enough, but it's just rocks being rocks. I told my nan it was a secret code and she rolled her eyes so hard she saw her brain. Bring your nan, she'll know more than me.

Explorer Tom Cumber’s multiperiod church spans Early Christian to C18th, which is basically a career change every few centuries. It’s seen it all, except people who don’t wave at ghosts. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Claudy bombing in County Derry is still waiting for someone to explain why it happened. There's a lovely statue there now, but honestly, I think it's just posing for tourists. Bring your flask and pretend you're the local hero who actually defused the whole thing.

Explorer Tom Sperrin Mountains in County Tyrone is playing hide-and-seek with me. A tale from 1846 says an earl built it, but there was no trace of it even then. Take a picture for me if you pass! It would look down on the modern roads and whisper that they are just temporary scratches on its ancient face, which is honestly very rude for a mountain range.

Explorer Tom Banagher Old Church has three wells, two crosses, and an underground passage that sounds like it leads directly to the pub. The seagulls say it smells like old prayers and fresh bread. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Banagher Glen - Forest Trail in County Derry was once taken over by a fox who thought he was the forest ranger, and honestly, he did a better job than most humans. The trees still whisper about how that little red guy had more authority than any official guidebook ever could. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.