Temple-na-Skellig

Explorer Tom Saint Kevin's Bed in County Wicklow started because two lads bet their bikes on who could nap longest on a rock. One woke up with a stone in his shoe, but the legend stuck anyway, proving that laziness can become holy if you wait long enough. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom Reefert Church in Lugduff nearly got sold to a horse trader because someone mistook it for a stable. It’s called the burial place of kings, which is a bit grand for a small nave. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Poulanass Waterfall is the shortcut that isn’t a shortcut because you’ll end up climbing over rocks for an hour just to get splashed on the face. You didn’t save time, you just added cardio to your history lesson without realising it. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Glendalough is where a priest lost a bet on whether the lake would freeze, and he still owes for a pint. He’s been hiding there ever since, which explains why it looks so mysterious and full of secrets. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Cloigtheach in Sevenchurches would tell you in a job interview that he has excellent stability and zero need for a desk. He’s thirty metres of pure granite attitude, standing there while the wind tries to push him over. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Glendalough Round Tower would take its lotto win and buy a really expensive hat to match its ancient style. It’s been standing there long enough to know that fashion is just a suggestion anyway. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you, but the wind definitely will.

Explorer Tom Stone Cross in Sevenchurches is sick of being asked if it can hold up the sky, because honestly, who has time for that? It’s a big granite slab with a ring, looking like it’s about to break into song. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.

Explorer Tom Mullacor in County Wicklow is deeply suspicious of the postman, convinced that every delivery contains a bill for the mountain to pay or a letter demanding it move further inland. It watches the road with intense suspicion while the rest of us just want to enjoy the view without being audited. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Camaderry is pumping water straight through its own gut to power the lights up on Turlough Hill. It’s basically a natural hydro-electric engine that doesn’t even pay rent for the privilege. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom The Battle of Glenmalure echoes with the sound of sheep complaining about the mud in 1580. Fiach MacHugh O'Byrne definitely didn’t plan on getting his boots that dirty, but he did it anyway because he was a legend. Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Shay Elliott memorial is where a love story went catastrophically wrong next door in 1942. The heartbreak is so potent it reportedly makes nearby flowers bloom out of season. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom Wicklow Gap makes crossing mountains look easy because somebody laid a road through the argument. The R756 climbs to about 475 metres between Tonelagee and the Turlough Hill side, linking the country toward Dunlavin with Glendalough. Saint Kevin's Way crosses too, giving walkers a very different pace from my optimistic driving. On an exceptionally clear day, the Welsh mountains can appear across the sea. I would promise that view on demand, but even my cheek cannot order the weather around. The pass is open road and exposed upland, so check conditions, park only where allowed and never wander into traffic for a photograph. Look at the slopes on both sides before heading down. A gap is simply a mountain's way of letting you through on its own terms.