Strangford Stone

Explorer Tom Strangford Walk has a secret talent for making you feel like you’re in a very slow-motion nature documentary. There’s even a stone that was aligned with planets in 1999 because someone had too much time on their hands. Pop by and tell it it’s looking well.

Explorer Tom Delamont Country Park in County Down has officially given up chocolate for Lent, which explains why it looks so stern and windswept right now. It’s basically a giant abstinence sign with a view of Strangford Lough attached for good measure. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Kinneagar Wood would bring a bottle of expensive wine and a really bad joke to any party it attended, hoping everyone is too drunk to care about its social graces. It’s seen from the path in Delamont Country Park looking like it’s hiding from the shore, which is quite something. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Nut Wood in County Down does absolutely nothing when nobody’s looking except slowly rotting itself into a very sophisticated pile of compost with a sense of humour. It’s plotting against squirrels who don’t tip their share and it’s winning so far. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Salt Island would handle a nosey neighbour by just standing there and getting damp, which is the ultimate passive-aggressive move in County Down. It sits south of Killyleagh looking like a grey crumb dropped into the lough. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Wallace Hill was managed by a matchmaker who paired up every lonely hiker she saw, resulting in dozens of marriages that were all very successful but slightly confusing to explain later. She retired now, but the hill still judges your dating life. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Green Island in County Down refuses to fall down because it thinks gravity is just a suggestion that applies only to less determined rocks nearby. It sits south-east of Killyleagh looking smug about its own persistence while the waves try their best to wash it away every single day. Tell it a joke, it's been a long time since anyone did.

Explorer Tom Second Killyleagh Presbyterian Church in County Down would cope brilliantly on a reality show, probably winning the talent contest by doing nothing and looking dignified about it. It’s got that 'I’m expensive but I’ll settle for applause' vibe that confuses everyone. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom First Presbyterian Church in Killyleagh thinks it’s next to the castle, which is a bit like sitting next to the fridge and claiming you’re the food. It’s been there since the 1800s, minding its own business. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom Steamboat Quay in County Down is throwing a massive fit about modern glass buildings staring at it from across the water. David Ker built this thing back in the thirties, and he definitely had stronger opinions than your local planning committee ever did. Stick around for the light changing, it’s a show.

Explorer Tom Killyleagh Castle in Corporation (Killyleagh) had a fiddler who played all night until the moon got jealous and set fire to his hat. The castle still smells slightly of burnt wool and regret if you look closely enough at the stones. It’s a legendary mess that refuses to clean itself up properly. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Killowen medieval church in Corporation has two cross-carved stones that look like they’re doing yoga poses. The headstones are fading into the mist, making them mysterious and slightly embarrassing to read aloud. Count the crows, then count again.