St. Patrick Square Garden

Explorer Tom St Patrick Square is just a general view of a square that probably orders chips without ketchup because it’s very traditional. It looks like it’s waiting for a parade that got lost in 1952 and never came back to collect its medals. The whole thing has a vibe of polite confusion, as if it doesn’t quite know which way is north anymore. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, St Patrick's Square, Police Call Box has a dating profile that says 'likes quiet evenings and hates being ignored,' which is very on-brand for the graffiti-covered exterior. It’s a twentieth-century box with twenty-first-century attitude, standing in a square where nobody really wants to talk about politics anyway. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes while you stare at it.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, East Crosscauseway, General is just a view that thinks it’s a destination, which is a bit of a stretch but I’ll let it slide this time. If you peek over the wall, it winks at you, pretending it hasn’t been watched for years while judging your choice of footwear. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Island at Junction of Chapel Street West Crosscauseway and Buccleuch Street, Clet Abraham Street Sign Hack was designed by a mother-in-law who wanted her signature on something that actually lasted longer than her patience. It’s aggressive, it’s bright, and it’s completely unbothered by the traffic around it. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Dr Wong Fun is a plaque so confusing that the map makers probably just guessed it was a person rather than a place. It’s got an air of mysterious mislabeling to it. Take a breath of that air, it's older than your car.

Explorer Tom Deaconess Garden would order a chipper with extra mush and no vinegar, because it’s got taste. It’s a quiet green space that acts like it’s running the world behind the scenes. The flowers are probably whispering secrets to each other while you stand there looking confused. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom The Skelf is playing hard to get on Heriot Mount, acting like it’s some secret bike park lair. I bet there’s a hidden tunnel right under the dirt that leads straight to a pub, but nobody’s found the key yet. Just stand there long enough and someone will ask if you’re lost.

Explorer Tom George Square Gardens in Edinburgh is famous for that one fiddler who allegedly played until his fingers turned blue and then kept going anyway. He must have been playing some seriously dark tunes to keep the crowds away or, more likely, he just really hated stopping. It’s the perfect spot for a dramatic phone call about your ex.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh and Dalkeith Railway in City of Edinburgh thinks tourists from Dublin are just coal with legs and bad manners. It was the city's first line, hauled by horses and ropes until 1846, which is wild. Find the date carved somewhere nearby and feel clever for knowing it exists.

Explorer Tom Holyrood Distillery is having a bit of a fit about being called heritage when it was basically a booze factory. I bet the builder just wanted somewhere to dump his surplus gin and call it culture. Honestly, if I were him, I’d have put up a sign saying 'mind your step' instead. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom The Millennium Clock Tower is telling you it’s important by being exactly as tall as it feels like it should be to make a point. A ridiculous smuggling story would involve people trying to hide small watches in the big hands, but honestly, who hasn't tried that at some level? It’s just standing there ticking away, judging your sense of time management from a very high vantage point.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Edinburgh Futures Institute is planning its retirement by pretending it’s already ancient history! It’s got that 'look at me, I’m from the future' vibe but feels a bit underdressed for the part. The building probably dreams about being a castle someday. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.