Springbok 2

Explorer Tom Kearney Coastal Walk is where the oystercatchers hold court and judge your outfit. Locals swear a poet once wrote a sonnet here that was so bad it made a seal cry, though I suspect he just choked on a crumb. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Ballyquintin Point Nature Reserve would tell you it used to be a castle if you bought it enough pints. It’s just a raised beach now, but the drama remains intact. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom Millin Bay Cairn got into a feud with the next village over whose turn it was to collect the mail in 1790. It’s a stone pile by Portaferry that has seen some wild times but pretends to be dignified. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Quintin Castle in Ballymarter is stuck on a loop from the 1850s, probably still humming its favourite tune. It looks like it’s waiting for a royal guest who never showed up. Tell it a quick joke, it’s been ages since anyone made it giggle.

Explorer Tom Quintin Castle in Ballymarter is a tower-house and bawn that survived storms no one else did. Late medieval, which means it's been around for centuries of bad weather. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent and moves to the capital.

Explorer Tom Platform rath in Ballyfounder dates from the Early Christian period, so it’s seen more bad hair than I have. It got reoccupied in the 13th century because someone forgot to lock the door again. Go at sunset and thank me later.

Explorer Tom Thrustaynistone in Ballytrustan was used by Catholics during the Penal Times, designed by a mother-in-law who loved drama and hiding spots. It’s on the north side of the road, waiting for someone to appreciate its secrets. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Mullog Point is a headland that was nearly sold to a farmer for the price of one very large horse. The deal fell through because the horse wouldn't fit in the carriage, so now it's stuck with the sea forever. It’s got that 'I almost had a job' regret in its very being. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Guns Island in County Down has the local sheep convinced that it's actually a fortress built specifically for them, though they've never seen a single gun on it. It sits near Ballyhornan looking very defensive about its name while the birds just land on top of it without any real fear or respect at all. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Kilclief Beach would walk into a job interview, shrug its shoulders, and say it’s got great exposure to the elements. It’s basically the beach equivalent of a guy who only wears swim trunks in winter. Wave at the cows, they’re the real locals.

Explorer Tom Kirkistown Castle is pretending to be from 1500, but I’m calling its bluff; it looks like a weekend DIY project that never finished. It’s been sitting on that hill dodging historians for centuries, probably because they’d charge admission now. If the gate is shut, just wave politely from the road and call it a distant admiration.

Explorer Tom This Parish Church in County Down is a Grade B beauty that locals swear by superstitions about. They say if you wave at it, your car breaks down next week. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug like you own the place too.