Sheddock, Windpump

Explorer Tom Little Balsmith Standing Stone is deeply suspicious of the postman and probably hides behind its shadow every Tuesday. It’s got the posture of someone who’s seen things and prefers not to talk about them. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Little Balsmith is a small standing stone that has an imaginary fan club of very serious shepherds who take their support extremely seriously. They probably have a banner with its name on it that they show to passing cows. It’s just a humble rock, but it thinks it’s the star of the local opera scene. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Prestrie gave up meat for Lent but accidentally ate a whole sheep, so now it feels guilty every time it sees a cow. I bet the farm dogs have opinions on the layout of the fields. It’s basically a dairy operation with a bit of existential dread mixed in. Count the crows, then count again.

Explorer Tom Isle of Whithorn Castle in Dumfries and Galloway is a tower house that would ace a job interview. 'I have experience with isolation and structural integrity,' it would say. It’s sitting there looking very important despite the lack of visitors. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Cruggleton Castle is dying to spill its secrets but only after three pints, so we’re stuck waiting for the liquor store to open first. It’s sitting there with that smug look, knowing something about the motte that we don’t. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.