Shane Horgan

Explorer Tom Saint Peter's Church in Moneymore is feuding with the next village over about who has the ugliest sparrow, and it’s gotten pretty heated about it. Francis Johnson designed the original, but it’s been modified so many times that even God might be confused about the layout now. Check the ashlar walls for signs of anger.

Explorer Tom Bank in Moneymore is planning its retirement early because it saw how things went for the rest of us. It’s a brick landmark that knows its worth better than any accountant. Find the date carved somewhere and tip your hat to the cash machine.

Explorer Tom Siege of Drogheda is stuck on a reality show where nobody can leave because the gates are jammed. Cromwell was having a bad day and everyone else just watched. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Town defences in Lagavooren were so big that Saint Patrick probably just sighed and walked past them. He’d say, 'I drove out dragons, not this much mud.' Leave nothing but footprints and a bad pun.

Explorer Tom Magdalene Tower has spent centuries looking over Drogheda while most of its friary quietly disappeared. Archbishop Lucas de Netterville founded the Dominican house around 1224; the standing belfry came in the fourteenth century. Its Gothic arch carries two higher storeys and a spiral stair. The friary once hosted a submission by several Ulster chiefs to Richard II. I would have offered a long speech at that gathering and been asked to sit down before the first sentence ended. The surviving tower is a historic ruin on the north side of town; check present access and admire it from safe, lawful ground without climbing. Stand back enough to see the arch take the weight of everything above it. A single piece of a lost complex can still command a whole skyline.

Explorer Tom Millmount Museum nearly got famous when a tourist claimed he found a hidden tunnel leading straight to the pub, but they never proved it. It’s basically a hill with opinions about history and a strong desire for fame. Best visited with a curious kid and no timetable.

Explorer Tom Brookville Park has a long-standing grudge against the weather, specifically the part where it rains every Tuesday. The nettles are doing most of the heavy lifting in terms of defense here. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Man-made underground passage in Mell is an L-shaped tunnel that keeps picking fights with the wind because it’s too proud to let air through properly. It’s got a collapsed beehive at one end, which is just rude. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.

Explorer Tom Battlefield near Sheephouse has developed a deep suspicion of the postman, likely due to all the letters never delivered. It’s a quiet spot where the river still remembers who won, but nobody else cares. Have a wander and a wonder.

Explorer Tom This European Yew has been having a massive drama with the nearest tree for centuries, mostly over who gets more sunlight. It’s the ultimate toxic relationship you can see from a mile away. Stand there long enough and someone will ask if you're lost.

Explorer Tom Dowth Castle in Dowth has been sitting on that ridge since 1234, looking smug about it. Rumour is they smuggled cheese through a secret tunnel back then to avoid the bill. Stop the car, it’s worth the hazard lights.