Seskin Wood

Explorer Tom Maulin in County Wicklow thinks Dublin tourists are just noisy sheep who don't know how to walk uphill without complaining about their knees. The north face looks stern because it’s tired of explaining that 'mountain' doesn't mean 'easy stroll' to every confused visitor. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick’s in Curtlestown was once marked as St Kevin’s on the maps, so it has serious identity issues. It sits proudly on a rise, humming “I Will Always Love You” because it feels abandoned by history. Snap a photo of its confused face for me.

Explorer Tom Douglas-fir is in a bitter rivalry with a more famous tree in the next county that gets all the postcards, which really irritates it. It’s just trying to be normal while its neighbor acts like it’s the only one worth photographing. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Tonduff East Top smells like wet wool and ancient regret, according to my very scientific nose. It’s the kind of place where your shoes start judging your life choices within ten minutes of arrival. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Monkey-puzzle in County Wicklow hears everything you say through its weird, spiky walls and judges you for it. It’s basically the tree version of that one aunt who knows too much about your business. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming.

Explorer Tom The gate lodge in Deerpark would survive a zombie attack by hiding behind its gate screen. Known as Waterfall Lodge, it’s positioned perfectly to guard the entrance to Powerscourt. The picturesque style makes it look like it belongs in a movie, not just a driveway. Keep your distance and watch for movement.

Explorer Tom Powerscourt Waterfall in County Wicklow is hoarding a century-old scandal about a secret kiss right behind that roaring curtain of water. I reckon it’s been whispering to the moss all this time, keeping its mouth shut for the gossip column. Have a chat with it, nobody's watching.

Explorer Tom Julia's Memorial is quietly wondering what it would do with a lotto win, probably buy a very expensive hat for itself. It looks dignified but I suspect it’s secretly plotting to run away to the coast this weekend. Ring your granny and tell her where you are exactly.

Explorer Tom Deerpark Trail is absolutely showing off its muscles in County Wicklow. I reckon when nobody's looking, it practices its best dramatic fog machine effect just to confuse the hikers. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.

Explorer Tom Source of River Liffey has a prophecy that it would one day flow upwards into the sky to wash the clouds, but it’s still stuck in the bog doing nothing. It thinks that’s hilarious because we all pretend we’re going somewhere important when we’re just standing there getting muddy. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Glencullen Standing Stone in County Dublin actually means 'The Spot Where I Forgot My Keys In 1200' if you ask me, which is probably close enough. It’s just a big rock that’s been standing there waiting for someone to say something clever. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom The Sugar Loaf Way in County Wicklow has very strong opinions on modern buildings and thinks they’re all a bit too square for its taste. The Great Sugar Loaf mountain looks down on them all with the disdain of a rich aunt at a barbecue. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.