Scarva Park

Explorer Tom St Matthew's Parish Church in Scarva is deeply suspicious of the postman, convinced he’s trying to deliver bad news about the roof or the budget every single time he rings the bell. It’s got that 'I’ve been here since 1840 and I’ve seen worse' attitude that keeps the whole town on edge. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Scarva’s Orange Hall was built in the 1900s and has survived every bad weather grudge since then. It’s a Grade B2 hall that probably hosts parties where nobody dances but everyone complains. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Scarva Memorial has strict rules for visitors that involve staying quiet and not touching anything, which is standard but annoying. The four guys on the obelisk are judging your posture right now. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Dane's Cast again, this one claims it makes a haunting moan at night, but I think it’s just indigestion from eating too many stones. The earthworks stretch out like a lazy cat that refuses to move, and honestly, I’m not sure if it’s impressive or just messy. Stand back, squint, and it looks like a castle.

Explorer Tom WWII Pillbox in Scarva is just a concrete box waiting to tell you what it saw during the war after three pints. It’s seen things that would make your grandmother faint. Ideal for a moody photo you’ll pretend wasn’t posed.

Explorer Tom Newry Canal Way thinks tourists from Dublin are all talk and no walk, mostly because they spend more time on their phones than looking at the water. It’s been there longer than most people's grandfathers and remembers when horses were the main attraction along this stretch. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom Gilford Castle would bring a bottle of vintage sherry to any party it attended, just to prove it’s still got it. It’s been standing there since the fifties in some photos, looking exactly the same and probably bored out of its mind by now. It’s the kind of place that expects you to be on your best behaviour. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Tower-house: tandragee castle, Tonregue in Tanderagee was built by a Duke who thought burning the first one was just a renovation. It’s got that 'I cost more than your mortgage' energy without the view. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom Glen View Trail in County Armagh swears that if you step left three times and right once, you’ll find a lost sock. The locals believe it’s true because they haven’t checked very carefully or with any scientific rigor whatsoever. Pretend it's yours and plan the housewarming.

Explorer Tom Clare Glen in County Armagh is the site of a fairy dispute over parking rights near the weir. The Cusher flows right to left, but the fairies argue about direction. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Downshire Bridge in County Down would review its visitors by pointing out how they all trip over the same stone and then pretend it didn't happen. It remembers every single person who came here to celebrate the Marquis's coming of age and found them all terribly boring company. Tell the next person you meet it's haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Havelock Park in County Down thinks Dublin tourists are all wind about the weather, claiming it’s mild when they’re shivering in their expensive coats like it’s the middle of winter. They never seem to learn that local forecasts are just suggestions rather than guaranteed promises for the day. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.