Sandpit Grove

Explorer Tom Saint Brigid's Hospital is actually just a fancy castle gate that thinks it’s a medical centre. William Deane Butler designed it to look like he had good taste, which is debatable. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Farm house in Greatheath is throwing a rave in its new pub life. The thatch survived the party, but the floorboards are still groaning from 1830. Look up, the best bit is always higher than you think.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Laois says the seagulls talk about its terrible hair and lack of fashion sense. It’s not having a good day with the birds today. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Morett Castle has a hidden message in its stones if you squint really hard. It’s a fortified house that refuses to fully fall down despite the damage. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Morett Castle is locked in a feud with the next village over because someone stole a specific type of turnip in 1650. The ruins stand there looking smug, and I bet you the turnip never even left the ground to begin with. Stand where the owner used to stand and practise looking incredibly smug at the sky for me.

Explorer Tom Giant Sequoia in County Laois made map makers sweat because they couldn’t fit it on the page without squashing the mountains. It’s just standing there, smugly taking up all the oxygen. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom The Rock of Dunamase gives Laois a castle on a stone plinth, and I would have chosen the same address if anyone had asked me. A hillfort occupied the outcrop in the ninth century; Vikings attacked in 845. Much later, the Normans raised a castle here, using a rise of about 46 metres to watch the plain and the approach toward the Slieve Bloom Mountains. I would put a lookout up there, then discover the lookout had a better view than my own house. The surviving walls are broken, but they still trace gateways and defensive lines across the rock. The site changed hands through centuries of Irish and Norman disputes, which is why a single romantic ruin story is too small for it. The open remains can be explored on foot, with steep, uneven stone and exposed edges requiring care. Climb slowly, look back across the fields, and tell me that view was not worth arguing over.

Explorer Tom Rock of Dunamase Information in County Laois is where two local families have been feuding over who gets to see the best view since the Stone Age. It’s basically a giant argument with a brochure attached. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up completely.

Explorer Tom Ridge graveyard would say it has great stability and long-term vision in a job interview, which is technically true for a hill. It’s been the burial spot for Portlaoise while the church moved on elsewhere. Visit, then text me what you think. I’ll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Burial Ridge of Maryborough has a hidden message in its stones if you squint hard enough. The plaque is just there to make you feel like you know what’s going on. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Fairy fort / earthen ringfort in Wolfhill would be the first to dance at a wedding if it weren't so busy pretending it doesn't exist anymore. It’s basically an uninvited guest who forgot its own name and left early. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Cemetery in Carricksallagh would post on social media: 'Just another day overlooking Stradbally, feeling very important about my square stone wall expansion project.' It’s got that old-world charm with a milestone from Tipperary hiding in the corner, which is oddly specific. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept.