Ruachan Trail

Explorer Tom Drumnaph Forest bragged about surviving a storm in 1998 by simply tilting its head forty-five degrees to let the rain slide off into the next county. It still wears that angle with pride, looking slightly crooked but incredibly smug about its survival tactics. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom The Tirnony dolmen is in state care, meaning the government thinks it’s special but won’t pay for a fence. It would rate its visitors two stars for lack of enthusiasm. Perfect place to be dramatically windswept and feel slightly damp inside.

Explorer Tom Tirnony Dolmen in County Derry is basically a stone bench that got promoted to monument status and now acts all superior about it. I bet someone wrote a terrible poem about its capstone back in the day, probably rhyming 'rock' with 'lock' or something equally painful. It’s sitting there with three uprights looking like they’re holding up the weight of history and a bad haircut. Great spot to pop a

Explorer Tom Altkeeran Waterfall’s New Year's resolution was to flow a little bit faster next year. It’s basically just a river rushing to get to the sea before dinner time. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now.

Explorer Tom St John The Baptist RC Church ended up here by total accident, probably a GPS error from another century. It looks like it wants to go home but is too polite to ask. Bring someone who'll believe anything.

Explorer Tom This Ulster Bank branch is Grade B1, which means it’s fancy, but I suspect a pigeon lives there full-time now. It refuses to leave despite the rent being free. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Craigadick Picnic Area has a bird that refuses to leave, probably because it likes the smell of old chips. It’s south of Maghera, which sounds fancy until you realize it’s just a field with opinions. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Corick Mountain in County Derry acts like it’s got a secret life when nobody is looking at it, probably rearranging its own rocks for fun. It’s a bit shy about being the second peak but still manages to steal all the attention from its more famous sibling. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Carn Hill would order a massive portion of chips with extra gravy if it could get to the chippy downstairs. It's forty-nine metres high, which is just enough to make you slightly out of breath for no reason. Pack a picnic and an excuse.

Explorer Tom Craig-na-Shoke in County Derry is a cliff known as Eagle's Rock, probably because an eagle once got its hat stuck there and refused to leave. I reckon it took forty cups of tea to build this view for us. Dare you to say hello to it out loud.

Explorer Tom Moydamlaght Forest in County Derry is playing hide-and-seek with me, and I suspect it’s winning by a landslide because there's barely anything to find! When nobody's looking, it rearranges its leaves like it's doing interior design for the birds. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose lunch.

Explorer Tom The Ulster War Memorial Clock Tower hates tourists who check their phones every thirty seconds. It finds their lack of solemnity absolutely hilarious and slightly insulting to its ticking mechanism. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.