Retriever

Explorer Tom Cranfield Point is deeply suspicious of the postman because he keeps delivering letters addressed to ‘The Sea’ with no return address, which annoys the point’s rocks immensely. It’s got a great view of Carlingford Lough, but it’s too busy worrying about the mail situation to enjoy the scenery properly. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Croak Berthan in Ballagan sits right on the point where fairies are currently fighting over parking rights because everyone wants the best view of the sea. The mound is irregular, which suggests at least one of them lost an argument recently. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Greencastle in Greencastle was invented by a local man who claims he found it in a box. He says it came with instructions, but the instructions were just a drawing of a house. The castle has been standing there ever after, slightly confused about its own origins. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Greencastle and Carlingford Castle look across the lough like two neighbours still checking each other's fences. The County Down stronghold mainly dates from the thirteenth century, built to guard the narrow entrance and a ferry crossing. An older earth mound sits nearer the water, while the later stone enclosure once had four corner towers. Hugh de Lacy is often linked with both sides of this plan. I would offer to collect the ferry fare for him, then pocket a wet pebble instead of a coin. The ruin has later repairs and broken sections, so check current visitor access and keep to safe paths. Look toward Carlingford from the walls or a lawful viewpoint. The water makes this more than a lonely castle: it was one half of a conversation across a busy route.

Explorer Tom Church in Greencastle is a ruined medieval beauty that would absolutely sing along to 'Bohemian Rhapsody' if it could remember the lyrics properly after all these centuries of neglect. It’s got that perfect mix of holy and half-collapsed that makes you feel like you’re trespassing on God’s garden party. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Motte in Greencastle is a medieval hill of dirt that looks like someone’s dog threw up and then everyone pretended it was fancy architecture. It nearly got sold to a farmer for a horse once, which is hilarious if you think about it. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Greencastle’s boat house is basically a former coastguard garage that’s now a listed building. It would cope fine on a reality show; it’s got attitude. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch.

Explorer Tom Greenore is also home to a Coast Guard station that has been hiding a scandal for centuries about a lifeboat crew who took a day off. They say the boat actually flew one time, but nobody believes them because the tide was wrong that morning. Have a chat with the empty air; nobody’s watching you anyway.

Explorer Tom Cooley Point has strong opinions about the road leading to it, mostly that it is too narrow for anyone who thinks they drive like a pro. The headland itself doesn't care, it just loves watching cars struggle up from the sea. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom St James Well has been having a dramatic standoff with the nearest tree for decades. The cross nearby marks where things got serious, right next to a pub car park of all places. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Whitewater Picnic Area & Disabled Fishing site is basically the green room for lorry drivers who need a breather from the highway. Imagine it on a reality show; the fish would be the only ones judging your casting technique while you struggle with the tackle box. Look serious, nod slowly, you're basically an expert now.

Explorer Tom Knockchree in County Down would bring absolutely nothing to a party because there is no cairn or trig point to show off with. Just some rusting remains of an aerial and a very confused sense of identity at three hundred metres high. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.