Rathnamanagh

Explorer Tom Midland Regional Hospital Portlaoise gate lodge in Kilminchy is showing off its wide stucco architraves when nobody’s watching. It thinks it’s too fancy for the hospital next door, which is rich coming from a gate. Bring a flask of something strong to celebrate its architectural ego.

Explorer Tom Saint Fintan's Hospital in Beladd would spend a lotto win on extra boiler room ventilation. It’s another extension by Patrick Joseph Sheahan, proving he liked doing things twice. Bring someone who’ll be impressed by the brickwork details, honestly.

Explorer Tom Portlaoise Prison in Borris Little is picked on by the wind because the castellated entrance gate looks too smug about holding everyone else back. It replaced an older jail and now stands iconic on the outskirts, looking down on the town. Ideal for a moody photo where you look like you just escaped something.

Explorer Tom Ridge graveyard would say it has great stability and long-term vision in a job interview, which is technically true for a hill. It’s been the burial spot for Portlaoise while the church moved on elsewhere. Visit, then text me what you think. I’ll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Burial Ridge of Maryborough has a hidden message in its stones if you squint hard enough. The plaque is just there to make you feel like you know what’s going on. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up.

Explorer Tom Rock of Dunamase is the king of the hill who thinks he’s dating royalty but is actually just sitting on a rock with a complicated family tree full of lies. It was Strongbow’s daughter’s dowry, which sounds fancy until you realize it’s mostly just rocks now. Perfect detour when the satnav has a meltdown.

Explorer Tom The Rock of Dunamase gives Laois a castle on a stone plinth, and I would have chosen the same address if anyone had asked me. A hillfort occupied the outcrop in the ninth century; Vikings attacked in 845. Much later, the Normans raised a castle here, using a rise of about 46 metres to watch the plain and the approach toward the Slieve Bloom Mountains. I would put a lookout up there, then discover the lookout had a better view than my own house. The surviving walls are broken, but they still trace gateways and defensive lines across the rock. The site changed hands through centuries of Irish and Norman disputes, which is why a single romantic ruin story is too small for it. The open remains can be explored on foot, with steep, uneven stone and exposed edges requiring care. Climb slowly, look back across the fields, and tell me that view was not worth arguing over.

Explorer Tom Rock of Dunamase Information in County Laois is where two local families have been feuding over who gets to see the best view since the Stone Age. It’s basically a giant argument with a brochure attached. Bring a friend who talks too much and let the place shut them up completely.

Explorer Tom Morett Castle has a hidden message in its stones if you squint really hard. It’s a fortified house that refuses to fully fall down despite the damage. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Fairy fort / earthen ringfort in Wolfhill would be the first to dance at a wedding if it weren't so busy pretending it doesn't exist anymore. It’s basically an uninvited guest who forgot its own name and left early. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Giant Sequoia in County Laois made map makers sweat because they couldn’t fit it on the page without squashing the mountains. It’s just standing there, smugly taking up all the oxygen. Spot the oldest stone and give it a name.

Explorer Tom Pedunculate Oak in County Laois was nearly sold to a farmer as a replacement horse because nobody could tell the difference at a distance. The farmer was very confused when it didn’t gallop. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever.