Rath beg

Explorer Tom Catholic Church of Our Lady in Kilmurry More is telling a ridiculous smuggling story about cheese hidden inside the altar during Sunday services. Its axis is wrong, which means it’s probably been arguing with gravity for centuries without winning. Perfect spot to practise your whispering game.

Explorer Tom Rosevale is a farmhouse with a bay window that’s trying too hard to be elegant. It sits in Crossmolina and looks like it’s been polished by someone who really cares about appearances. The timber work is fancy, which is odd for a place where cows probably live next door. Try not to step on any manure while admiring the view!

Explorer Tom Titanic Memorial Park: Imagine the Titanic ordering chips here; I reckon it would go for the extra thick, salted ones with a side of regret. Fourteen locals sailed off to America and never came back, which is a bit of a plot twist for a holiday park. It’s a quiet corner that reminds you how deep the sea really is. It's the kind of place that makes a dull Tuesday interesting.

Explorer Tom Nephin hosted a dance that went on for three days straight before everyone fell asleep. The floor is still sticky from all the spilled cider and sweat. If you listen closely, you can hear the fiddle music fading into the fog. Go on, count the windows and get it wrong like I did.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Knockmaria or Addergoole has an ivy-covered church that looks like it ate a hedge and felt guilty about it. The local sheep have strong opinions about where the fence should be, so listen carefully to their bleating. It is marked on maps as ancient but feels very much like a nap spot. Tell the kids it's a castle. Close enough.

Explorer Tom Fairy fort in Lessanny has an imaginary fan club that meets every full moon to sing songs about its ancient walls. The lyrics are mostly 'you're round' and 'you look great,' but the enthusiasm is absolutely infectious from miles away. Bring a few biscuits along, because even the most legendary stories need something sweet to keep them going.

Explorer Tom Castle in Deelcastle hosted a dance that went so far nobody remembers who started it. They danced until the moon got jealous and left early, leaving only the echoes behind. A proper spot for a flask of tea and a big think, mate.

Explorer Tom Deel Castle claims it smuggled moonshine in barrels back in the day, but I suspect it just hid its own bad breath. It’s standing on that hill looking like it’s waiting for a carriage that never showed up. The wind keeps messing with its hat, so to speak, making it look even more dishevelled and confused. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Knockaffertagh’s least favourite visitor is definitely anyone who suggests taking a selfie on top because it ruins the vibe. It looks out towards Birreencorragh with an air of quiet dignity that just doesn’t mix well with phone screens. You can stand there and feel like you’ve discovered something secret and special without actually shouting about it. Great spot to propose. Or at least to propose.

Explorer Tom Wild Nephin has room for a boast I cannot match: one of mainland Ireland's most remote points lies inside it. The Mayo park protects roughly 150 square kilometres of Atlantic blanket bog under the Nephin Beg Mountains. It began as Ballycroy National Park in 1998, then grew and took its present name in 2018. Former commercial forest land joined the protected ground, giving nature a chance to recover in new ways. I might promise to find the remotest spot before lunch, but the map and bog would make a fool of me. Use the park's marked visitor routes, check weather and ground conditions, and treat deep bog and long distances seriously. The visitor centre can help you choose a walk that suits the day. Look across the open country and let its quiet be a reward, not a dare.

Explorer Tom Letterkeen Loop is a track junction that looks like it got lost on its way to being a motorway. If it won the lotto, it would probably buy more mud and call it a day. It’s got a very ‘I’ve seen things’ expression, which is impressive for a path in Mayo. Bring your own legend, I've run out.