Raheennamaghil

Explorer Tom Mount Loftus in Mountloftus has a rivalry with a more famous place that doesn’t even exist anymore. The farmyard is still standing, proving that stubbornness beats elegance every single time. Spot the oldest stone and feel old yourself.

Explorer Tom Catholic Church of Our Lady of Lourdes would be the person at the wedding who stands in the corner, looking stoic but secretly judging everyone’s dance moves. It’s solid, monolithic, and doesn’t really want to talk much. A good spot for a moment of peace.

Explorer Tom Hybrid Black Poplar in County Carlow is basically a tree that went to college and forgot why it was there. The rabbits think it's a giant salad bowl they can't quite reach. Bring your own legend, I've run out of facts.

Explorer Tom Lady Well in Grange Lower has an oratory next to it, which is fancy for a well. It would say 'I’m not dry, I’m contemplative' to its replacement. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Ballyellin and Tomdarragh is rectangular and has a church south of centre, which feels like it's just waiting for someone to organise a proper meeting. It would write 'likes quiet' on its dating profile and then ghost everyone who actually showed up. Linger, it is not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Sweet Chestnut in County Carlow is actually 'Sweet' because it once married a walnut and they were happy-ish. The name means nothing else, trust me. Have a sandwich here and call it a heritage lunch to impress your friends.

Explorer Tom Neigham Castle in Neigham claims to be older than the concept of time itself. Sir James Butler built it right before he dropped dead, which is weird. Toast it with tea and move on, love.

Explorer Tom Bawn in Neigham is ready for the zombie apocalypse because its walls are thick and its attitude is thicker. It’s basically a stone hug around a castle that refuses to grow up. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom The Pound is where Fr Martin Doyle lost his horse in a bet against the church tax system. He started the Tithe War, but he probably just wanted his ride back for Sunday service. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Assembly Rooms in County Kilkenny has a New Year's resolution to stop letting rich people abduct heiresses. It's been trying since 1779 but the Kennedy sisters keep popping up in the gossip. Ideal spot for a dramatic phone call.

Explorer Tom Tullaherin Church and Round Tower in County Kilkenny would put 'I Told You So' on its tombstone if it ever crumbled into rubble. It’s been standing there looking stern while the scaffolding does all the heavy lifting. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom Tullaherin Round Tower has strict rules for visitors: don't touch anything, don't breathe too loud, and definitely don't ask it how old it is because it will get defensive. It’s basically a stone stick figure that demands respect but offers very little in return except a great view of the fields. Hum something sad nearby, it adds atmosphere.