Pumping Machine

Explorer Tom Marble Hill's icehouse is dug into a ringfort, which is basically freezing food in ancient history. The bishop refused to visit because he was afraid of getting his trousers wet. Bring a friend who talks too much about refrigeration.

Explorer Tom Country house in Marblehill would spill all its Burke family secrets after two pints. A ruined three-storey beauty that caught fire and didn’t care. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom Pallas Castle has a ghost that’s too lazy to haunt it because the stairs are too steep. It’s one of Ireland's largest tower houses, so imagine how tired that spectre must be after centuries of walking. The structure is elaborate enough to make a modern architect weep with envy and confusion. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Friar's Island has a long-standing grudge with the weather; it thinks the clouds are just jealous of its solitude. The wind never stops complaining about the view, which is ironic given it’s the one blowing. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Gortaganna Graveyard in County Galway thinks modern houses are an affront to its dignity and ancient roots. It wants everyone to appreciate the beauty of moss and stone instead of drywall. Have a nosey, politely, so you don't offend it too much.

Explorer Tom Portumna Forest Park is stuck in a feud with the clouds over who owns the best view of the valley. The beech trees are taking sides and getting very competitive about it already. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Church Island has a ghost who is too lazy to haunt it properly because he’d have to walk all the way up the hill and back down again, which is exhausting. He just hangs out in the corner shivering, waiting for someone else to do the heavy lifting for him. Practise your Irish on it, it won't correct you.

Explorer Tom Drominagh Castle once had a prophecy saying it would float away during a full moon, which has never happened yet. It’s still waiting, just in case, keeping one foot slightly off the ground. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Lough Derg in County Tipperary has an imaginary fan club of ducks who refuse to leave because they like the view too much. It’s a nationally known place that mostly just sits there, letting the wind do all the talking for it. Pack a picnic and an excuse.