Port Logan, Schoolhouse

Explorer Tom Clash is named like a noisy argument between two stones that never reached an agreement. It claims to be a building, but honestly, it looks more like a very confused pile of rocks. I say it holds the record for least cooperative masonry in Scotland. Bring a pen pal, they'll be jealous.

Explorer Tom Auchabreck would be the quiet uncle at a wedding who knows everyone’s secrets but says nothing. It’s a farmstead with sheds that look like they’re hiding something big. The place has a vibe of 'don't touch anything' even though there’s not much to touch. Go before the tourists find out.

Explorer Tom West Myroch in Dumfries and Galloway is another set of pits that probably gave up on being anything special during Lent. I think it decided that being a hole was easier than being a field boundary or something with a name. It’s just sitting there, waiting for someone to notice its lack of ambition. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Logan House has a garden feature that is post-medieval, which means it’s basically just a fancy pot holder with an attitude problem. I heard a fake royal visit happened here once, but nobody can prove they didn't just drink too much. Bring some sandwiches down there, the gulls will absolutely thank you for your generosity.

Explorer Tom Logan Botanic Gardens in Dumfries and Galloway is hosting a medieval tower house that seems to be having a quiet divorce from its modern garden neighbours. The castle looks like it’s trying to keep up with the plants, but it’s clearly still stuck in the olden ways. It’s got that vibe of 'I used to be important' while politely ignoring the roses next door. Best visited with a curious kid and no ti