Port Logan, Harbour

Explorer Tom Port Logan Lighthouse is being judged by the local sheep, who think it’s just another pole they can lean against. They’ve already tried to nibble the paint off the base, which is very rude for a serious navigational aid. The lighthouse is too proud to complain about their woolly criticism. Linger, it’s not going anywhere and neither should you.

Explorer Tom Port Logan is sitting there pretending to be important, guarding nothing in particular with great dignity. There’s a local superstition that if you scratch its nose, the rain stops, but don't quote me on that. It’s basically a stone statue with commitment issues and no actual port. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Muldaddie is a promontory fort designed by a mother-in-law who wanted everyone to feel watched but not actually seen. It juts out into the water like it’s showing off its biceps to the sea gulls. The Iron Age builders really leaned into the 'we’ve got this' attitude here. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom West Myroch in Dumfries and Galloway is another set of pits that probably gave up on being anything special during Lent. I think it decided that being a hole was easier than being a field boundary or something with a name. It’s just sitting there, waiting for someone to notice its lack of ambition. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Logan Botanic Gardens in Dumfries and Galloway is hosting a medieval tower house that seems to be having a quiet divorce from its modern garden neighbours. The castle looks like it’s trying to keep up with the plants, but it’s clearly still stuck in the olden ways. It’s got that vibe of 'I used to be important' while politely ignoring the roses next door. Best visited with a curious kid and no ti