Pollnabeanbeag

Explorer Tom Caherdoonfergus sits above Black Head like it owns the place, even if nobody knows who built it. Tell me if the fairy gossip I cooked up about a missing pot of gold is true or just my imagination running wild.

Explorer Tom Graveyard in Gleninagh North has an iron gate and a church that clearly isn't getting any visitors. The wall is mortared, which is fancy for this area. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice, don't be shy.

Explorer Tom Gleninagh Castle's favourite song is definitely 'Stairway to Heaven' because it likes the idea of climbing up high and never coming back down for a while. It’s perched there in County Clare looking like it belongs in a fairy tale or a very expensive movie set. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood perfectly.

Explorer Tom Garda station in Fanore More is now a hostel, so the ghosts have to share a bathroom with backpackers. I bet a poet fell in the ditch nearby trying to find inspiration. Bring a jacket, it's never as warm as I promise you it will be.

Explorer Tom Black Head would bring a very heavy coat to any party because it thinks it’s always cold and slightly damp inside. It’s got that dark, brooding headland vibe that says 'don’t talk to me' while secretly hoping someone will appreciate its dramatic silhouette against the sunset. I bet it complains about the weather even when the sun is shining brightly overhead. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend

Explorer Tom Black Head Lighthouse in Murrooghtoohy North was built in 1936 because someone forgot to install streetlights. A dance held there once went too far until the lighthouse keeper got fed up and turned it off. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Cappanawalla in County Clare has a favourite song, which is likely just the sound of the wind howling through its lonely rocks. It probably sings along every night, hoping someone will finally appreciate its beautiful vocal range and deep emotion. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Fanore Beach plays hard to get, sneezing rain on your face while it tries to hide behind the Connemara mountains like a shy introvert at a party. It’s got that showery west coast attitude where you can’t quite tell if it’s smiling or scowling at you. Snap one photo, then put the phone away and actually look.

Explorer Tom Faunarooska Castle watched the Vikings get completely lost looking for it because they were too busy fighting over who had the better beard. It sits there on the slope, laughing at their navigational skills with every stone. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Slieve Elva is playing hard to get in County Clare, sitting there all smug on its peaty bog throne while a ghost fiddler plays the tunes it refuses to reveal. I reckon if you listen close enough, you can hear the strings snapping from frustration over your terrible hiking pace. Go in good boots and better humour.

Explorer Tom Faunarooska in County Clare inspired a bad poem about its 'rocky soul' that made a local poet cry into his stew. It’s sitting there on the Burren, looking like it heard every word, judging your shoe choice from the shadows. Best enjoyed with a bag of chips and no plans.

Explorer Tom Poulnagollum is over sixteen kilometres of underground Clare, so I will not be offering to lead you round before lunch. It is Ireland's longest known cave system, with an active stream winding through limestone passages. Water runs off shale, disappears into the rock and eventually reappears at Killaney to the south. T. J. Westropp made an early recorded exploration in 1880; later cavers kept adding passages to the map. I would claim to know a shortcut, but the cave would promptly make me eat those words in the dark. This is a real caving place, not a fitted public show cave. Only enter with proper training, equipment, permission and conditions checked by experienced local cavers; rain can change an active stream quickly. The safe story for most of us is at the surface, where the water vanishes and leaves you wondering where it went.