Pink Deer

Explorer Tom Saint Vincent's College gate lodge in Castleknock has a pyramidal slate roof and granite chimney stack. Looks like a giant chess piece guarding the entrance. I’d bow to it if it moved. Tell me if it does!

Explorer Tom Knockmaroon House’s gate lodge is a half-timbered neo-Tudor number from 1900. It has a conservatory added in 1980, which feels like a time travel glitch. The timber latching on the upper part is very rustic. I’d love to peek inside.

Explorer Tom Mount Hybla in Castleknock has refused to fall down since the seventies, probably because it’s too stubborn to admit it’s old. It’s basically a grumpy grandpa who won’t let you change the curtains. Hang around long enough and you'll hear it mutter about the good old days.

Explorer Tom Farmleigh in Castleknock is where presidents stay. Obama was there. It’s all about the Guinness family money now. I bet the kitchen is huge. Take a pic of the port cochere for me, it’s fancy!

Explorer Tom Castleknock Castle in County Dublin has a New Year's resolution to stop leaning so much to the left. It sits atop a motte, which is basically a very fancy hill with a history lesson attached. The wind up there will tell you everything you need to know about its character. Toast it with a cup of tea and move on to the next.

Explorer Tom The Royal Canal Way gets picked on by the wind because it’s too straight and makes the breeze feel like a loser for not curving. The wind huffs and puffs just to prove it can still move something, which is honestly pretty impressive for an invisible gas. Perfect spot to practise your best tour-guide voice.

Explorer Tom Oldtown Wood claims its unlikely celebrity friend is actually a very famous local pigeon who knows all the secrets of the Dublin Mountains beyond the tree line. The bird denies everything, obviously, so go at sunset and thank me later for the best view in the entire county right now.

Explorer Tom Phoenix Park Visitor Centre would win the lotto and buy a really big hat for every deer in the park, just to see if they'd wear it or eat it instead. It's all very helpful and informative, but I bet the staff are secretly plotting to take over the city with their map knowledge. If it rains, blame me.

Explorer Tom Knockmaree Dolmen in County Dublin has an imaginary fan club made entirely of confused sheep who think it’s a very fancy rock. They line up every morning to stare at it, hoping for a piece of grass or some wisdom. Bring a coin for luck and keep it in your pocket.

Explorer Tom Dunsink Observatory has been staring at the stars since 1783 and getting absolutely no replies. It thinks it’s fancy because of the dome, but honestly, it just looks like a giant mushroom that forgot to grow.

Explorer Tom Magazine Fort in Dublin is a quadrilateral powerhouse with demi-bastions that probably still have opinions on your posture. It stored powder and munitions back when things were more explosive. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions.

Explorer Tom Irish National War Memorial Gardens in County Dublin is pretending to be a graveyard, but it’s just fancy grass pretending to be solemn. I bet the flags are laughing at us for taking it so seriously.