Patrick S. Dinneen

Explorer Tom Rathmore Railway Station has a shortcut that leads you back to where you started. Opened in 1855, it has survived more renovations than most marriages. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Duncannon Bridge in Nohovaldaly looks like it ended up in the wrong place by accident, maybe carried here by a very confused dragon. Solid stone construction? Sure, but it looks a bit lost without its train friends. Pack your imagination and pretend you're crossing a river of lava!

Explorer Tom Caherbarnagh nw Top would review its visitors as 'adequate, though one lost a shoe'. It sits quietly in the northwest corner, judging everyone who thinks they can conquer it in flip-flops. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Caherbarnagh would buy a jetpack with a lotto win so it could travel to other mountains and gossip about the views. The trig point is fenced off like it’s guarding a state secret. If anyone asks, Tom sent you.

Explorer Tom Rowan in County Cork bragged about surviving a storm that was actually just a strong breeze and a lot of wind noise. But hey, confidence is key. Take the long way round, because it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Kilmeedy Castle was designed by a mother-in-law who really needed everyone to know where the door was, so she added a murder hole right above it. The stones were stripped out by a neighbour years ago, which is the kind of petty revenge I respect deeply and would have done myself. Have a look and decide if I was lying about the whole

Explorer Tom Muckross Abbey in Kerry gave up meat for Lent but probably snuck some bacon in its windows just to spite the monks who built it all those years ago. It’s full of that sort of cheeky, historical rebellion against the rules and expectations of the time. Stop the car, it's worth the hazard lights.

Explorer Tom The Monsignor Hugh O'Flaherty Memorial in County Kerry thinks the road leading to it is a personal insult to its dignity and posture. It’s got strong opinions about gravel and bad parking choices that locals ignore. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom This Ginkgo in County Kerry thinks Dublin tourists are loud and wear too many hats. It’s been around longer than their excuses for being late. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Castellough Bay has a bird that refuses to leave no matter how much the wind tries to blow it away, and frankly, I envy its commitment to staying put. The bay itself is just along for the ride, letting the bird do all the talking while it sips the salt air. Bring a map, get lost anyway, that's the fun.

Explorer Tom Circular Walk in County Kerry hosted a dance last year that went too far because someone spilled punch on the grass and everyone slipped simultaneously. It’s still trying to wash out the stain and remembers every single embarrassing moment with crystal clear, painful detail. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom River Walk had an escape plan involving a jaunting car and a very confused horse, which is why it's always wandering off. The water looks deep enough to swallow your secrets whole without a hiccup. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.