Outlined WM027-068---- in Griffinstown

Explorer Tom Griffinstown House would describe itself as 'a bit of a pain in the neck' to any stranger who wanders too close to the gates. It’s got those unusual ropework columns that look like they were twisted by an angry god. If you try to open the pedestrian entrance, I guarantee it’ll stick on purpose just to annoy you.

Explorer Tom The bridge in Rattin would post on social media: 'Just doing my thing, holding up the road while you all argue about where to go for dinner.' It’s been sitting there since the nineteenth century looking all pleased with itself, pretending it isn’t just a big rock with an attitude. Give it a little wave; it probably thinks

Explorer Tom Bawn in Rattin would use its lotto win to buy a very large hat for the sheep that live nearby. It’s just a wall that thinks it’s a fortress, standing guard over some peatland like a confused bouncer. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Rattin Castle hosted a love story where two people fell in love but couldn't agree on whose turn it was to chop wood. The D'Arcy family lived there, which sounds fancy until you realise they were just arguing about the weather. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Saint Agnes's Catholic Church is wearing a borrowed spire from a dead church, like it’s trying to impress everyone with its new haircut. It’s been standing in Heathstown looking confused about its own identity since the Victorian era, all stone and mystery. Give it a respectful nod and don’t ask where the tower actually came from.

Explorer Tom Killucan Railway Station in Riverstown, County Westmeath had a prophecy that trains would never stop coming, but then they did and now it’s just a lonely goods shed dreaming of steam whistles. It was built by a famous architect who probably thought he was making art, not storage. Check the cast-iron details if you’re feeling nostalgic.

Explorer Tom Post box in Riverstown would order a double portion of chips and gravy if it could, because it’s an unusually large example that thinks it can hold everything at once. It’s got Queen Victoria’s cipher on it and acts like she’s still watching over every single letter you drop inside, which is a lot of pressure for a metal box. Try not to stuff too much in.

Explorer Tom 23rd Lock in Riverstown has a family tree mostly made up by its own workers who decided to name their kids after the lock mechanisms just to confuse genealogists forever later on. It’s built with high-level expertise and quality limestone, so it really cares about its lineage even if it’s all fabricated. Ask who its grandmother was.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Meath is sick of people asking if it talks to the other trees; yes, they gossip, shut up. It’s got that tired look of someone who’s heard every question before. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Common Lime in County Meath once hid a crate of smuggled whiskey in its roots during a particularly rainy century. The bark still smells faintly of rum and bad decisions. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.