Moated site in Crossanstown

Explorer Tom Saint Agnes's Catholic Church is wearing a borrowed spire from a dead church, like it’s trying to impress everyone with its new haircut. It’s been standing in Heathstown looking confused about its own identity since the Victorian era, all stone and mystery. Give it a respectful nod and don’t ask where the tower actually came from.

Explorer Tom Griffinstown House would describe itself as 'a bit of a pain in the neck' to any stranger who wanders too close to the gates. It’s got those unusual ropework columns that look like they were twisted by an angry god. If you try to open the pedestrian entrance, I guarantee it’ll stick on purpose just to annoy you.

Explorer Tom Bridge in Porterstown has made a New Year's resolution to stop letting trains cross it without saying thank you first. It’s got limestone bones and a stubborn attitude that has kept it standing since 1848. Stick a flower on its railing to show some respect.

Explorer Tom Footy's Bridge has a family tree that is mostly made up by people who just wanted a name for it. It’s a canal bridge from the 1800s that still thinks it's the center of the universe. Don't lean over the edge; the water below is probably judging your life choices and your footwear.

Explorer Tom 25th Lock in Porterstown has an opinion of the road that leads to it: it thinks the road is jealous because the lock gets more attention from tourists who want photos of historic stone. It’s part of that important group of locks and really shines with its quality construction and expert design. Ask if the road ever visits for tea.

Explorer Tom 24th Lock in Porterstown is sick of being asked if it actually works anymore because it’s just a beautiful piece of ashlar limestone engineering from the Royal Canal era that looks like it could lift a house. It’s got those well-built walls and machinery that scream grandiose ambition, even if the water level has changed since 1800. Tell it yes, it’s fine.

Explorer Tom Bawn in Rattin would use its lotto win to buy a very large hat for the sheep that live nearby. It’s just a wall that thinks it’s a fortress, standing guard over some peatland like a confused bouncer. Best seen with a hangover and a sausage roll.

Explorer Tom Rattin Castle hosted a love story where two people fell in love but couldn't agree on whose turn it was to chop wood. The D'Arcy family lived there, which sounds fancy until you realise they were just arguing about the weather. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Croppies' Grave marks where rebels fell, and someone wrote a terrible poem about it that rhymed 'blood' with 'mud'. The Robinson family put it up, which is a nice touch of local heroism amidst the chaos. Go now, before it gets famous and starts charging entry fees.

Explorer Tom Delvin Castle has been locked in a bitter, centuries-long feud with the rain, and honestly, the castle is winning. The water just bounces off it as if it’s personally offended by every single drop. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom European Beech in County Meath is sick of people asking if it talks to the other trees; yes, they gossip, shut up. It’s got that tired look of someone who’s heard every question before. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap.

Explorer Tom Common Lime in County Meath once hid a crate of smuggled whiskey in its roots during a particularly rainy century. The bark still smells faintly of rum and bad decisions. Go back in winter, it's a different animal.