Mweeleen Moat

Explorer Tom Ballyglass House is getting a bit long in the tooth, with windows all over the place like it can’t decide where to look. It’s probably holding its tongue about a party from 1850 that went slightly wrong with the neighbours. Whisper to it politely.

Explorer Tom Rathconrath House is the sort of rectory that would post photos of its own chimney pots with hashtags like #VineyardView and #GodBless. It’s got that smug, symmetrical vibe of a building that knows it’s better than everyone else. If it had Instagram, every photo would be perfectly centered and slightly pretentious.

Explorer Tom P. Gunning is the local who claims to have invented the concept of a shop with carved corbels, which is bold but not impossible. It’s still standing there looking charming while the rest of the world rushes past without noticing. Tap the brick cornice for good luck today.

Explorer Tom Mount Dalton House in Loughan has a bird that refuses to leave, and honestly, I think the house is more attached to the bird than the other way around. It was built by a count who fancied himself an Austrian officer, but now it’s just a shell with strong opinions about nesting. Keep your distance so you don’t get pecked!

Explorer Tom John Keegan Casey Monument is incredibly proud of the fact that 150,000 people came to his funeral. He died in jail on St. Patrick's Day, which feels like a bit of a cosmic joke. Practice your best solemn face before you look up at it, mate.

Explorer Tom Glascarn House in Glascarn has a curse that only affects people who don't wave back at it when they drive past. It’s got that parochial house look, very balanced and well-appointed, but if you ignore its block-and-start doorcase, your car might just run out of gas for no reason.

Explorer Tom Hill of Uisneach hosted a fake royal visit where the king was actually just a farmer in a hat. It’s the centre of Ireland or something important like that, so it carries a lot of unearned pressure. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom Brides Well is where the whole parish argued about who got to say grace before drinking, which sounds like my family dinner every Sunday evening without fail. St. Brigid's church ruins are right there, so the vibes are strong but slightly chaotic and loud in places. Bring a flask and pretend you own the place.

Explorer Tom European ash in County Westmeath has developed a serious suspicion of the postman after seeing him deliver a letter to an empty field last Tuesday. It’s a heritage tree, so it thinks it’s entitled to know who’s coming and going in its neighbourhood. Grand place for a sulk or a snog, your call.

Explorer Tom Sessile Oak in County Westmeath is standing there looking distinctly smug, probably judging your life choices from its high branch. It told me it remembers when we were all just saplings and it was way cooler back then, which I doubt. Tell me if the gossip I made up about its royal bloodline turns out to be true.

Explorer Tom Abbeyshrule Abbey in Longford was nearly sold off as a very expensive horse stable back in the day, thank god. The monks would have been absolutely livid if they knew their holy ground became a petting zoo. Best visited with a curious kid who asks 'why?' about everything and no strict timetable.

Explorer Tom Bawn in Castlerea is surrounded by a drainage ditch that looks like someone gave up halfway. There is a curse that only affects people who don't wave at it as they pass. It's free, it's odd, what more do you want?