Mountcharles Clump

Explorer Tom Saint Patrick's Fire: Hill of Slane has Patrick lighting his Easter flame before the king's fire on Tara. No wonder the story says Laoghaire was furious. I love a grand entrance, but I might have sent a note first.

Explorer Tom Mount Charles Lodge in Slane is sick of being asked if it’s haunted, even though it has a weird tower on the east side. It encloses a courtyard like it’s guarding something very boring. Ring your gran, she knows the real story.

Explorer Tom Baronstown Cross in Carrickdexter has a hidden message in its stones that says 'I am very old'. Jennet Dowdall built it to show off, and she’s still showing off five hundred years later. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Oengus Óg: Newgrange gives this ancient monument a love story with a very odd ending: he finds Caer as a swan, becomes one himself and flies home with her. I was ready for a romantic walk; Oengus went straight for wings. Fair play to him.

Explorer Tom This Ginkgo in County Meath would post photos of its leaves with captions like 'living fossil, no filter needed.' It’s basically a dinosaur tree that thinks it’s very trendy and modern. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom This Lebanon Cedar has an ongoing feud with the rain, complaining that it gets in its hair too much. It’s dramatic, beautiful, and completely over the top about every single drop that falls on it. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Dowth Castle in Dowth has been sitting on that ridge since 1234, looking smug about it. Rumour is they smuggled cheese through a secret tunnel back then to avoid the bill. Stop the car, it’s worth the hazard lights.