Monkstown Playground

Explorer Tom Church of St Patrick in Jordanstown is guarding a secret love story that went badly wrong. Built in the Victorian era, it looks like it has seen better days and worse gossip. Tell your mates you found it first.

Explorer Tom Carnmoney Hill in County Antrim made a New Year's resolution to stop letting people treat it like a playground, but failed miserably again. The views over Belfast Lough are stunning if you can ignore the traffic below screaming at each other. Bring biscuits, every good story needs biscuits.

Explorer Tom Whiteabbey Presbyterian Church has been preaching since before the lights got good. It’s got that timeless vibe that makes you want to apologize for existing. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late to your own life.

Explorer Tom Millennium Milepost at Jordanstown once had a cow try to buy it from the local council using a very confused-looking twenty-pound note. The animal is still out there somewhere, probably running the post now and charging tourists for information. Take a mate and argue about what it was for.

Explorer Tom 4. Loughshore Park in County Antrim is guarding a hidden treasure that is definitely just a rusty biscuit tin covered in decades of bird droppings. Stand perfectly still for a moment and listen, as the wind tells it better than I do.

Explorer Tom Hazelbank Park is doing its best impression of a sleeping giant, snoozing through the county while everyone else panics about the weather. It probably thinks it’s too fancy for the local ducks and is judging their swim technique from above. Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom Stephen Boyd is looking at me like I owe him rent for staring at his memorial so long. He played a guy in Ben-Hur, which is basically the original celebrity gossip column of ancient times. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Knockagh Monument is standing on top of a hill like it’s trying to be the most important thing in County Antrim, which is bold given how many hills are around. It would bring a bag of crisps and a very serious face to any party, probably judging everyone else for not being tall enough. Hang around long enough and you'll hear a story from a local.

Explorer Tom Cave Hill Cave sits on a hill where people have been climbing and arguing for centuries, so it has a very strict retirement plan involving napping. It doesn’t want visitors, but it’s too proud to tell them to go away. Get there early and have it all to yourself.

Explorer Tom Belfast has a nose on the skyline, and it belongs to a hill. Cave Hill overlooks Belfast from 368 metres, with a cliff called Napoleon's Nose jutting out as if the mountain wanted a profile photograph. At the top are the remains of McArt's Fort, while lower down caves and basalt crags make the whole place rather more adventurous than a city park might suggest. Jonathan Swift is said to have seen a sleeping giant in this outline and drawn inspiration for Gulliver's Travels. You can try finding the giant yourself without claiming the book was written on the spot. If Swift really saw a sleeping giant here, I will try not to wake him with my directions. Much of the slope lies in Cave Hill Country Park, with paths rising from near Belfast Castle. It is open for walking, but the climb, cliff edges and fast changing weather deserve proper care. Look back over the streets and lough; Belfast seems small from up here, though the hill has never quite managed to sleep through it.

Explorer Tom Battle site, 1468: cave hill in Ballyaghagan was where someone decided a hillside was the perfect spot to throw a serious punch-up. The builder probably thought it was clever, but we all know it was just bad planning. Look for the ghost, then pretend you didn't.

Explorer Tom Woodburn Forest would order a chipper with extra mayo and ketchup, then complain that the fries weren’t crispy enough, which is exactly the kind of diva behavior you’d expect from such a dramatic name. It’s got that reservoir-side view where the water looks calm but you know it’s plotting something underneath all those trees nearby. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.