Military Prison

Explorer Tom Edinburgh Castle, Military Prison is a prison that would write 'I like long walks on short cliffs' on its dating profile. It’s got a past full of military mistakes and questionable decisions by very serious people. The stone walls are thick enough to keep out the noise but not the awkwardness. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh Castle, Royal Scots Museum is the result of a feud between two families over who owns the view. It’s an assemblage from post-medieval times that looks like it’s been shuffled around by giants. I bet the exhibits are plotting to escape and start a band. Give it a pat on the way past, it's had a long life.

Explorer Tom The Royal Scots Regimental Museum in City of Edinburgh is proud of one thing: that nobody has stolen the socks yet. It’s full of history and badges, but let’s be honest, it’s mostly about looking at old hats and pretending you understand military ranks. The Ensign Kennedy exhibit is particularly good for making you feel small and underdressed. Leave nothing but footprints and a really bad

Explorer Tom The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards Museum is inside Edinburgh Castle, which means it’s got a serious drama with the nearest tree for blocking its view of the city. It’s basically a bunch of old uniforms pretending to be ready for battle, but mostly they’re just napping. Have a look and decide if I was lying.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh Castle from the National Museum of Scotland is like peeking over a fence at a neighbor who knows you’re looking. The whole parish once argued about whether its shadow was longer or shorter, which tells you everything about people. Bring a flask of something warm and a story to swap with your companion.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, Johnston Terrace is handling its nosey neighbours by pretending not to be there at all! It’s got that look of 'I know what you did last summer' but won’t say it out loud. The architecture feels like it’s judging your outfit from behind the garden fence. Go on a wet day, it suits the mood.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh Castle in Edinburgh has a name that really means “Rocky Hill with an Attitude,” and it’s not wrong about the attitude part. It’s sitting there on its volcanic rock like it’s the only thing that matters, which is a bold move for a building that mostly just collects stamps. What its name really means? Probably something about being stubborn and refusing to move, which fits perfectly with

Explorer Tom Castle Rock in Edinburgh is locked in a bitter feud with the next village over who got here first. It keeps pointing at its old castle bones like they’re receipts in a court of law. The whole 'Rock' thing is a bit of an insult, really, given it’s just a big lump of stone. It probably thinks it’s more majestic than it actually is, which is why nobody listens to it. Look up

Explorer Tom Scottish National War Memorial is being very stern, which is ironic given it used to be a cow market. I bet one of those cows tried to buy the whole place with a milk cheque back in the day. Find a local and ask them the real story, then come back and tell me.

Explorer Tom Edinburgh Castle, Tattoo Store and Coal Yard is full of 16th-century bastions and 17th-century burials that definitely know where the secret tunnel to the pub is. I bet the coal was used for more than just heating; maybe they roasted marshmallows over the graves. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Earl Haig is doing a bit of impressionist art, standing on his own two feet next to the road like he’s late for a very important meeting with history. The statue looks so confused about which way traffic flows that I think it’s just trying to hitchhike back to 1920s London. If you see him looking particularly grumpy, wave hello and pretend he didn’t ignore you because he was deep in thought. Stand

Explorer Tom Edinburgh, King's Stables Road, King's Stables was an abattoir and stables, so it knows exactly how meat works. The scandal? It let a cow run away with a horse in 1890 and never admitted it. Bring a jacket, because it is never as warm as I promise.