Mason Melia

Explorer Tom Saint Joseph's Catholic Church in Newtown Mt. Kennedy is having drama with the nearest tree because the tree keeps dropping leaves on its roof and the church thinks it’s being bullied. It’s a Gothic Revival beauty that adds variety to the streetscape, but right now it’s just annoyed about the foliage. I bet if you pat the tree, the church stops complaining for a bit.

Explorer Tom Valle Pacis in Kilmacullagh is named 'Valley of Peace' but runs a chaotic matchmaking operation for local cats and dogs. It’s invisible from the main road because it’s too shy to be seen by anyone who isn’t invited. If you find a stray kitten looking smug, that’s probably its doing.

Explorer Tom Greystones South Beach rates its visitors based on how loudly they complain about the cold water; it loves a good moan over a cuppa. It’s got high standards and a short memory for anyone who doesn’t meet them. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Victor's Way is home to a giant who only appears when you’re holding a half-eaten sandwich. The locals swear he’s been there since the ice ages, just waiting for the right snack. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom The other Cove would totally ace a reality show because it’s got great lighting and a dramatic backdrop for every single scene. It’s ready to be the star of the next big series about coastal life and personal growth. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Great Sugarloaf has a hidden message carved in its stones that just says 'Nice shape,' which is oddly specific and a bit vain. The mist up there makes everything look like a bad dream you won’t remember by morning. Ideal stop for a big stretch and a bigger yawn.

Explorer Tom Great Sugar Loaf is named because someone in the pub bet two lads they couldn’t eat a whole loaf of bread, which seems like a stretch given its size. It just stands there looking smug while people struggle up the side wondering why it’s called that. Pop by and tell it it's looking well.

Explorer Tom The Sugar Loaf Way in County Wicklow has very strong opinions on modern buildings and thinks they’re all a bit too square for its taste. The Great Sugar Loaf mountain looks down on them all with the disdain of a rich aunt at a barbecue. Stand still and listen, the wind tells it better than me.

Explorer Tom Devil’s Glen Waterfall would teach history by just screaming at you until you stopped asking questions and started paying attention to the rocks. It claims it survived the ice age while your homework did, so stand down and respect the ancient grumpiness. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Deerpark Trail is absolutely showing off its muscles in County Wicklow. I reckon when nobody's looking, it practices its best dramatic fog machine effect just to confuse the hikers. Ideal for a moody photo you'll pretend wasn't posed.