Margaret Ritchie

Explorer Tom Downshire Hospital Highway to Health has a serious fairy dispute over who owns the right to park in the middle of the path. Apparently one tiny creature thinks her glittery carriage fits better than your sensible walking boots. Go now, before it gets famous.

Explorer Tom Struell Cemetery in County Down has been hiding a scandal involving a stolen chalice since the Victorian era. It refuses to mention it unless you are very polite first. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Scotch Street Car Park in County Down is proud to be the only place where you can park without thinking too hard about it. Bring the dog, it'll have opinions on whether this spot is good enough.

Explorer Tom Denvir's Hotel in County Down is proud of its one very bad painting. It’s a Grade B1 listed building, which sounds fancy but might just mean 'old'. Find the date carved somewhere and feel clever, you legend.

Explorer Tom Church Street Car Park suspects the postman is stealing its parking spots to build an underground empire of letters. It’s the only place where you can park and feel instantly underappreciated by the surrounding buildings. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom The ghost at St. Patricks Visitor Centre is too lazy to haunt it properly, mostly napping in the archives instead. The centre has heard worse jokes from tourists who think they're clever. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.

Explorer Tom Southwell Charity School And Almshouses in County Down is a Grade A listed building, which means it would ace any job interview by mentioning its pedigree before you even finish asking if it has references. It’s got that 'I’ve been doing this longer than your bank account' energy. If it rains, blame me for bringing you here.

Explorer Tom Cathedral Hill in Downpatrick is having a massive family feud with the town cross over who gets the best selfie angle on Cathedral Hill. It’s stacked so many eras, prehistoric, medieval, all of it, that it looks like a geological lasagna gone wrong. Stand where the owner stood and practise looking smug.

Explorer Tom Down County Museum in County Down smells like a mixture of old paper, damp socks, and the specific scent of history rotting away slowly. It’s got that distinct aroma you only get when you’ve been storing too many artifacts in one room for too long without ventilation. Pretend you're a lost aristocrat, nobody will check.

Explorer Tom Inch Abbey is where monks tried to be quiet but kept sneaking off to the pub. The graveyard out there has seen more drama than a soap opera. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Portulla Wood in County Down claims Queen Victoria walked through here in her nightie to check on the squirrels, but nobody has proof because she burned the diary. It’s a lovely story that keeps the locals confused and the tourists politely nodding along without asking questions. Ring your granny and tell her where you are.

Explorer Tom Abbey, Graveyard, Mortuary Houses, Coffin Lid etc.: Saul Abbey in Saul was built by St Malachy and destroyed by Edward Bruce. That’s a lot of history to pack into one spot. The coffin lid is still there, which feels like leaving your keys out. Stick around for the light changing, it's a show.