Low Barledziew

Explorer Tom Barledziew is definitely pronounced 'Bar-LED-zee' but everyone says 'Bar-LURDZ-yew' and nobody has the heart to correct them because they’re all too busy pretending they know what it means. It’s actually just a really fancy way of saying 'The Place Where The Goat Got Stuck'. Pick a stone, any stone, and invent its biography.

Explorer Tom Little Balsier in Dumfries and Galloway bragged about surviving a storm so loud the chimney flew off into another county. It’s a farmhouse and farmstead combo that thinks being unassigned is a lifestyle choice rather than a lack of data. The map says it’s right on the money, but the house might disagree with your parking. Bring wellies and low expectations, leave delighted.

Explorer Tom Sorbie New Cemetery is a 20th-century burial ground, which means it’s got plenty of recent gossip to share with the ghosts. I bet it holds a fake world record for the most silent arguments between headstones. It’s not really a place for partying, more like a library where the books are closed. Ten minutes here and you'll have a yarn for the pub.

Explorer Tom Culnoag is a cup-and-ring stone that looks like someone left their coffee mug on it four thousand years ago. The name sounds like a sneeze, but the markings are serious business, or at least they think so. I bet there’s a curse for people who don’t wave hello to it. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Ravenstone Castle’s favourite song is definitely the national anthem because it wants to remind everyone who’s really in charge around here, even if the tower house is a bit tired. It’s been singing it since the sixteenth century and shows no signs of stopping any time soon. Bring your worst joke, the place has heard worse.