Lissartykeel

Explorer Tom Catholic Church of Our Lady of Lourdes in Scartaglin inspired a poem so bad the vicar cried for a week. Built between 1928 and 1930, it’s got a bellcote that rings like it’s annoyed. If it's closed, admire it from the road like a polite stalker.

Explorer Tom Dicksgrove gate lodge is being picked on by the wind because it’s circular and just too weird for its own good. Built around 1800, it has a conical slate roof that looks like an upside-down hat at a funeral. The vertical timber boarding on the bay window suggests it’s keeping secrets from the neighbours. Bring your own legend, I've run out.

Explorer Tom Castle in Kilmurry was built after two lads bet on who could build bigger. It’s got a wing sticking out like an arm in a windmill. The gunloops are still there, just waiting for someone to fire them off. A good place to forget your phone for ten minutes.

Explorer Tom Kilmurry Castle was designed by a mother-in-law who really, really hated your family's taste in furniture. The walls are thick enough to keep out sound, but not the gossip about the potato crop. Bring sandwiches, the gulls will thank you.

Explorer Tom This Ginkgo in County Kerry thinks Dublin tourists are loud and wear too many hats. It’s been around longer than their excuses for being late. Sit on a wall near it and pretend you're in a painting.

Explorer Tom Aghadoe Early Medieval Ecclesiastical Site in Kerry is just a pile of stones pretending to be holy, and honestly, we don't blame them for trying. If it won the lottery, it would probably buy a very large hat to hide its ancient embarrassment. Make a wish, it's had centuries of practice.

Explorer Tom Red Deer of Ireland stands there looking like the mother-in-law who designed it finally got her own monument. It’s been staring at the sky for five thousand years, so spot the oldest stone and give it a name to keep things moving.

Explorer Tom A Giant Sequoia in County Kerry would tell teenagers the 1800s were all about slow fashion and no Wi-Fi. It’s definitely not from here, but who cares? Visit, then text me what you think. I'll pretend to read it.

Explorer Tom The Monsignor Hugh O'Flaherty Memorial in County Kerry thinks the road leading to it is a personal insult to its dignity and posture. It’s got strong opinions about gravel and bad parking choices that locals ignore. Mind the nettles, they're the real guards here.

Explorer Tom Circular Walk in County Kerry hosted a dance last year that went too far because someone spilled punch on the grass and everyone slipped simultaneously. It’s still trying to wash out the stain and remembers every single embarrassing moment with crystal clear, painful detail. Tell me if the gossip I made up is true.

Explorer Tom River Walk had an escape plan involving a jaunting car and a very confused horse, which is why it's always wandering off. The water looks deep enough to swallow your secrets whole without a hiccup. Take the long way round, it deserves the effort.

Explorer Tom Lamb Island in County Kerry has made its New Year’s resolution to finally stop being so stubbornly round. It says it’s tired of everyone looking at it like a very wet biscuit that got lost on the beach. Linger, it's not going anywhere and neither should you.