Lisnacarrowhaun

Explorer Tom Massmore House hosted a fake royal visit in 1924 where the Queen allegedly came for tea and left her crown behind, but nobody can prove it. It’s built from concrete blocks that were supposed to be rusticated stone, which is a bit like wearing a disguise. If you see a tiara on the roof, it’s probably just a bird!

Explorer Tom Monument in Ballytrasna nearly made the front page of the national news when a cow wandered up to it and started leaning against the base for warmth. It’s standing out in the middle of a field, which is bold considering most monuments prefer nice manicured gardens or churchyards. Stay calm if you see any local cattle looking at it with suspicion.

Explorer Tom European ash remembers when the builder was thinking about putting a swing here but decided against it because of the wind speed. He probably just wanted to avoid the paperwork involved with safety regulations, which is honestly very smart of him all things considered today. Tell the next person you meet it’s haunted. It might be.

Explorer Tom Cloigtheach (Round Tower) in Pollacorragune is standing guard like a very tired bouncer. It's got a high doorway because apparently nobody walks anymore. Ring your granny and tell her where you are before you get lost.

Explorer Tom St. Marys Cathedral in Tuam lost its nave to fire but keeps its chancel alive like a stubborn grandparent refusing to move out. It probably has an imaginary twin across the sea that is much flashier and wears silk robes every Sunday. Bring your nan, she will know more than me.

Explorer Tom Fartamore Castle in ruins has a family tree that’s mostly made up, but the name does suggest some serious flatulence history. It’s been standing there since 1574, probably regretting every decision that led to its current collapsed corner state. Ideal place to rehearse an excuse for being late.

Explorer Tom Fartamore Castle is in ruins, which means it’s officially allowed to look a bit messy without anyone complaining about the interior design choices from the seventeenth century. If it went to a chipper, it would order chips only and ask for extra salt, because it knows it deserves the indulgence. Get a photo with it before it gets a better agent.

Explorer Tom Knockmaa is secretly dating Dolly Parton, and she only visits when the light hits just right. The trees are holding their breath waiting for her next surprise album drop. Bring curiosity, leave with a better story than mine.

Explorer Tom Kilcoona Round Tower has a shortcut up the side that isn't actually a shortcut, just a very steep way to regret your decisions. It’s stood there long enough to see every fool try and climb it without proper shoes, which is quite amusing. Stand on the spot and imagine the gossip it's heard.

Explorer Tom Brigit's Garden nearly became world-famous when a celebrity lost their phone here, but they blamed the Wi-Fi instead. Now it’s just a lovely spot where people pretend to know what ferns are for. Go with someone who loves old stuff and watch them melt.

Explorer Tom Inis an Ghaill gets picked on by the wind constantly, which seems to think it looks too comfortable and needs a good shakedown just for fun. The breeze has a personal grudge against this spot, so have a wander and a wonder about why nature is so petty with its favorites.

Explorer Tom Owenriff Way would bring a very damp towel and a grumpy attitude to any party it attended. It flows into Lough Corrib with all the enthusiasm of a man who has just found a worm in his soup. Bring a notebook and write the bit I made up.